How Far?
by love-fool
Summary: Melina wants something she can't have, how far will she go to get him? *COMPLETED*
1. Wanting

How far?  
  
Chapter One: Wanting  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing, except the story line. I also own any new characters in this story.  
  
  
  
  
  
It was the last day of summer before I would start my freshman year of High school. Matt and I were looking through old yearbooks as Lizzie was in her room with Gordo. Lizzie and Gordo had been dating since their sophomore year. Little did Gordo know, Lizzie was fooling around with Ethan Craft, and Gordo was completely oblivious about the whole thing.  
  
  
  
As Matt and I sat on the patio outside, he kept trying to spy on Lizzie and Gordo. It was his nature, he felt like he had to know everything that was going on, if not, he felt like a huge asshole and would want to kick himself in the head for that. He had found out about Lizzie's unfaithfulness to Gordo by hacking into Lizzie's account and reading very scandalous e-mails from Lizzie to Ethan and vice versa.  
  
  
  
I looked up at Lizzie's bedroom window and saw that the blinds were closed. That slut, I whispered under my breath. I hated Lizzie. Lizzie had something so good and she didn't even realize it because she was too damn stupid to even know her ass from her head. Lizzie also had something I couldn't have, but I wanted so dearly. She could never find out and neither could Matt.  
  
  
  
Lizzie didn't deserve Gordo, I did, and I would go to ends of the earth to get him. There had to be a way, and I was going to find it..  
  
  
  
[A/N: Did that totally suck? Was it good? Should I continue? It was kind of short, but the chapters will get longer. Please r/r] 


	2. Initiation

How Far?  
  
  
  
Chapter Two: Initiation  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: I own the idea for this story and the characters of Taylor, Kelly, Rita, and any other characters unfamiliar to Lizzie McGuire.  
  
  
  
  
  
It was my first day of my freshman year. I couldn't believe it. I, Melina Bianca, was diving into the waters of high school, metaphorically speaking. I rummaged through my closet looking for something to wear until I stumbled upon a plain purple shirt and baggy flares. Sure, I wanted to impress Gordo, but dressing like a slut wasn't going to do any good.  
  
  
  
Making my hair look good wasn't exactly a tedious process. I was one of the lucky ones born with stick straight hair. I shaped my light blonde hair around my face and put on some mascara. My little sister was getting ready for her first day of Middle school. I loved Kelly to death, she was the best little sister anyone could have, except for the fact that she snores really loudly and she always spills everything on the clothes she borrows from me.  
  
  
  
"Melina! Phone," I heard my mother scream on the top of her lungs.  
  
  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Melina, its Matt, Gordo offered to drive me and Lizzie in, you want to join us?"  
  
  
  
I wanted to scream so loudly that the whole world could hear. Matt couldn't know about my two year obsession with Gordo. He wouldn't ever talk to me again and he would tell Lizzie and Gordo. I started to feel like I was floating on a cloud.  
  
  
  
"Melina? Are you there?"  
  
  
  
"Yeah, I'm here, I'll come."  
  
  
  
"Great! We'll see you in twenty, bye," Matt exclaimed cheerfully.  
  
  
  
"Bye."  
  
  
  
It was funny, it sounded like Matt wanted me to come for some strange reason, and I really could care less. All I wanted was Gordo, and I was going to get him, I didn't care if I hurt anyone on the way, no one would understand the emptiness I felt without him. The emptiness was something I felt since I was in seventh grade, and I wanted to feel loved by Gordo and only him. I then grabbed my backpack and ran down the stairs to wait for my ride.  
  
  
  
"Melina, where are you going," my mother said as I was about to run out the door.  
  
  
  
"I'm going to wait for my ride, Matt's sister's boyfriend is driving us in," I said sweetly.  
  
  
  
"That's nice of him, how old is he?"  
  
"Senior year," I said quickly and nervously. "I better go out and wait, bye mom."  
  
  
  
"Have fun," she said hugging me tightly.  
  
  
  
I flung open the door and walked out with a spring in my step. I was on top of the world or at least felt that way. A burgundy Toyota pulled up in front of my house and started honking the horn frantically. I was too into my fantasy world to realize that the jalopy car was Gordo's!  
  
  
  
"Melina! Hello! I'm here to drive you to school, unless you want your mother to!"  
  
  
  
"There is no way I'm going to let my mother drive me to school," I yelled back.  
  
  
  
"Get in then!"  
  
  
  
I ran to the car and opened the door slowly as if opening the door was going to end this dream.  
  
  
  
"Hey Melina, ready for your freshman year," he said with that big goofy smile of his.  
  
  
  
"I g-guess so," I said stuttering. I wanted to slap myself for sounding like such a brainless idiot.  
  
  
  
"I remember my first day of high school, I accidentally walked into the girl's locker room, most embarrassing experience of my life," he said with a chuckle.  
  
The car then screeched to a stop at the McGuire household and my arm hit the dashboard. My dream of actually sitting next to Gordo in an empty car was going to be destroyed by a certain blonde numbskull named Lizzie McGuire. She came out of the house parading in what appeared to be something that a Hooter's waitress would wear as Matt came running out of the house with his backpack in his hands and immediately jumped into the back seat.  
  
  
  
"Matt, what's wrong," Gordo asked raising an eyebrow.  
  
  
  
"Dad wanted to give me high school talk, he gave it to me, I ran after he was finished," Matt said out of breath.  
  
  
  
Lizzie came parading over to the car and got in the back seat and slammed the door. I caught her bitchy reflection in the mirror.  
  
  
  
"What's she doing in the front seat," Lizzie sneered.  
  
  
  
"She's sitting, I picked her up first."  
  
  
  
Yeah, that's right sweetheart, I got picked up first and you didn't.  
  
  
  
"Uh, why?"  
  
  
  
"Because she lives on the way to your house," He said with an aggravated tone of voice.  
  
  
  
"Isn't that out of your way?"  
  
  
  
Gordo rolled his eyes and kept on driving. Lizzie pulled out her compact and started to apply more eyeliner to her already make-up covered face. I don't know what possessed Gordo to go out with such a, I can't think of a word that even comes close to describing her.  
  
  
  
"So Melina, who do you have for Biology," Matt said to break the awkward silence.  
  
  
  
"Um, I think I have Reynolds," I said unsure.  
  
  
  
"I had her, she just loved me to death, actually quite frankly, she hated me," Gordo said.  
  
  
  
"Who could hate you," I said by mistake.  
  
  
  
"What did you say," Lizzie demanded.  
  
  
  
"I meant, who could hate you, you're a very nice person," I said trying to cover up what I just said.  
  
  
  
"Thanks, I guess," he mumbled.  
  
  
  
We pulled up to the school and I rushed out of the car with great speed. I couldn't have been so embarrassed. My mind took over my mouth, don't you hate when that happens?  
  
  
  
I then saw my friends, Rita and Taylor. Taylor was a very bubbly red head, while Rita was a very shy and quiet blonde. We all met on the field hockey team and have been friends ever since.  
  
  
  
"Melina! Over here," I heard Taylor shout as she waved.  
  
  
  
"Oh, hi," I said looking down at the ground.  
  
"Is this about that Gordo guy again," Rita asked. "He's a senior, seniors are bad news to us freshman. They eat us for supper."  
  
  
  
"Chill," I said. "Gordo is not like that, he's hot, creative, sweet, and."  
  
  
  
"Dating Matt McGuire's sister, Lizzie," Taylor said. "I personally have no clue what he sees in her."  
  
  
  
"I'm going to make him forget about little Lizzie McGuire, either that or I will die trying," I said deviously.  
  
  
  
"You mean that metaphorically? I hope," Rita said nervously.  
  
  
  
"Do you even have a plan," Taylor asked sarcastically.  
  
  
  
"Plan about what," I heard Matt ask as he walked over toward us. He still was goofy old Matt McGuire, just in a ninth grader's body.  
  
Rita and Taylor exchanged looks that told the other not to tell.  
  
  
  
"Is there something I should know about," Matt asked suspiciously.  
  
  
  
"No, nothing at all," I spit out nervously.  
  
  
  
"Melina, want to walk to homeroom with me?"  
  
  
  
"Um, okay, Matt."  
  
  
  
After a period of time, I kind of got the vibe that Matt liked me, but never acted on any of his feelings for god knows what reason. I could never tell him my obsession with Gordo. Why does the world have to so cruel? I never get anything I want.  
  
  
  
[A/N: Did you like this chapter? What are your thoughts on this story? Please tell me them in a review.] 


	3. Weakness

How Far?  
  
  
  
Chapter Three: Weakness  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: Same as always.  
  
  
  
  
  
Everyone has a weakness. Everyone has one that makes them unique from another. There are people who use people's weaknesses to their advantage. In the Disney movie, Hercules, Hades makes it his life mission to destroy Hercules and gets Meg to help him. It's kind of uncanny that in the end, Hades is destroyed and Meg and Hercules end up happy in the end and all of that mushy shit.  
  
  
  
I admit that I find people's weaknesses and use them to my advantage; it's a sick pleasure of mine. Matt's weakness is that if he can't find away to con himself out of doing something, he's screwed over. That's where I come in, I help him get out of whatever it is, but then he's eternally in my debt. He becomes my minion, he helps me and he deals with it, it's how everything works. The predictability is kind of comforting which makes it even more satisfying to find people's weaknesses.  
  
  
  
Then, there's Lizzie. What fun it is to find Lizzie's weaknesses because of my deep hatred and resentment towards her. Lizzie yearns for acceptance. She's tried many times and failed so miserably that I laugh at her for being do dumb for even trying in the first place. But that doesn't stop her, her stupidity takes over her brain and she doesn't know when to quit. Finally after failing miserably so many times and me laughing at her pathetic attempts, my laughter stopped. After Kate moved to New York and Claire was out of power, Lizzie took over. She was now the queen bee. Miranda strongly opposed such preppy activity as she went down the Drama nerd path in the twisted roads of high school. Gordo was faithful to his lady, supporting her every step of the way, which makes me want to puke every time I think about them together.  
  
  
  
I have my weakness, Gordo. It's quite pathetic how I developed such a complicated obsession with him and have kept it for two years. It's a very hard thing to keep from my friends, especially Matt. I told Lanny about it, but Lanny wouldn't speak a word to it to anyone, he's not like that. When I became friends with Lanny and Matt, I saw Matt was someone who could be competition to me, but I saw Lanny as a genuine human being with a great soul. Lanny was my confident while Matt was my sidekick, lackey type of person. Hey, I mean, I got him to give me his father's valuable baseball collection for one Yankee's card.  
  
  
  
  
  
I never really had talked to Gordo until our little "Lizzie's Eleven" operation. I got him to yodel in a way for the key to the yearbook room. He and I were buddies as Matt tried to ruin Kate and Ethan's perfect picture. We hung out for awhile, it was all good. I had always thought that Gordo was a cool guy. As the years passed, he became closer and closer to Lizzie, which made me feel like something was missing. I thought for awhile, maybe I'm just jealous because Lizzie has a boyfriend, and I don't. I went out on dates with a few guys that intrigued me, but they were only bumbling idiots. Lizzie and Gordo being together came more frequent, and I felt even emptier than I had before.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Melina. Melina! Earth to Melina," Taylor said waving her hand in front of my face.  
  
  
  
"Huh?"  
  
  
  
Taylor then rolled her eyes in aggravation as she realized what I was doing.  
  
  
  
"Please don't tell me, you're looking at that senior, again," she yelled as we walked out of the school. "You scare me when you're all obsessive, it's kind of creepy."  
  
  
  
  
  
"You call it creepy, but it's been a habitual thing since seventh grade," I sneered. "So? He wasn't at the middle school with us. He wasn't there for you to gawk at and get all blank and star struck."  
  
  
  
"Just drop it! See you," I shouted as I got on the bus. I almost felt bad at yelling at her, but hey. She called me creepy and obsessive. Maybe I'm obsessive, but I am definitely not creepy.  
  
  
  
I looked for a seat on the bus until I saw Matt waving and grinning like an idiot as he was doing so. Since there were no other seats, I figured what the hell and decided to sit with him.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Hey Melina, how was your first day?"  
  
  
  
"Ok, I guess, how was yours?"  
  
  
  
"How was mine? Well mine was, fantastic! See, this teacher said I was funny when I started doing my Adam Sandler impressions! She said I have SKILL," he cried cheerfully.  
  
  
  
"You? Impersonated Adam Sandler? I don't believe it," I said negatively. There was no way a teacher could call him funny for even attempting to impersonate Adam Sandler.  
  
  
  
"You don't believe me! Is that it Melina? Did the penguin tell you to do this?"  
  
  
  
"Just because you memorize every line from a movie, doesn't mean you can impersonate Adam Sandler," I snapped.  
  
  
  
"Miss Reynolds said I was funny!"  
  
  
  
"Miss Reynolds is a lonely 45 year old, who thinks she was once a playboy bunny! She's crazy!"  
  
  
  
"She may be crazy, but she knows talent when she sees it," Matt insisted. It kind of irritated me that Matt kept on trying to prove me wrong. In some ways he is kind of like Lizzie.  
  
  
  
The bus screeched to a halt and I got off. My house was most likely empty except for Kelly. I walked up the porch stairs and put my key in the door and unlocked it.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Melina? Is that you?"  
  
  
  
"No Kelly, its Jack the Ripper!"  
  
  
  
My little sister descended the stairs with great speed. Kelly had just started sixth grade at Hill Ridge. By then Mr. Dig was a full time sixth grade teacher.  
  
  
  
"Melina, dad's coming over," Kelly said.  
  
"No, not dad, Frank," I corrected her. The truth of the matter was that a week after Kelly was born, my dad died. Any guy who mom brought home for an extended period of time was her temporary dad to fill her emptiness, just like I had done with dating those guys to fill my emptiness.  
  
  
  
"Whatever Melina, I think he's going to propose to mom," she wildly guessed.  
  
  
  
"Kel, you say that every time, you're never right," I scolded her as I was getting a Pepsi can out of the fridge.  
  
  
  
"Maybe I want a dad, Melina," she yelled.  
  
  
  
"We all want things we can't have, life does that to you!"  
  
  
  
I threw the soda can down and ran up stairs to my room and slammed the door. I collapsed against the door and started to cry. It killed me inside that my little naïve sister was going through the same emptiness I was. She didn't understand emptiness, hers or mine. I just wish she didn't grow up to be like me. 


	4. Frank

How Far?  
  
  
  
Chapter Four: Frank  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: Same as always.  
  
  
  
After crying my eyes out in my room, I went down to the living room to see Kelly already there watching "The Fairly OddParents". She was so into the television show you couldn't even get her attention by setting a fire to the house. I plopped myself on the couch and decided to watch it with her so we could bond. Mom's always encouraging us to bond, so here I was bonding with my sister.  
  
  
  
My mind started to drift off to lunch time. I sat with Matt and Lanny, Taylor and Rita weren't in my lunch, there was a point where I couldn't stand their girly talk anymore. Gordo was in my lunch, he sat three tables down and one table over from me, he sat with no other but Lizzie McGuire. Matt was trying to steal my brownie as usual as Lanny sat there observing the world as it passed him by.  
  
  
  
"Matt! What's this infatuation with my brownie?"  
  
  
  
"Your mother does make the best brownies," he chuckled slyly.  
  
  
  
"They're store bought," I had burst his bubble.  
  
  
  
"Your mother does have good taste."  
  
  
  
"What's this obsession with my mother?!"  
  
  
  
Lanny just looked at me and rolled his eyes. Matt caught on that there might be something going on but he was too dumb to notice.  
  
  
  
"Drop it Lanny!"  
  
  
  
"What do you want Lanny to drop? I'm suspicious, Melina, I'll be watching you," he said distrustfully.  
  
  
  
"Yeah, so you can get my lovely store bought brownies that Frank picked up," I said as I rolled my eyes.  
  
  
  
"Who's Frank?"  
  
  
  
"Some moron that my mom's been dating for six months. You are so lucky that your parents are both alive."  
  
  
  
"Melina, please don't get all depressed. But if you ever need to talk, Lanny and I are here for you, ok?"  
  
  
  
"Yeah," I said flippantly.  
  
  
  
Lanny understood, Lanny was there. Matt was off in his own fantasy sitcom world. Everything was perfect for him. He had great parents and a great life; he didn't understand pain or anguish because his parents sheltered them from him. If he only understood my pain and my anguish. Maybe then he would understand why I'm the way I am.  
  
  
  
I continued to stare at Gordo. Lizzie was so fascinated with whatever it was he was talking about. Or so she appeared. My eyes then drifted to Miranda's table which consisted of her, Larry Tudgeman, and Parker McKenzie. Miranda seemed to be telling jokes as Parker and Larry were caught in a fit of hysterical laughter. Its funny how the people you thought would be best friends, would actually want to be homicidal towards another, but that's how high school was to people. Even the best of friends might be ripped apart without warning. You come to learn that everyday might be the last and to cherish what you've got before it slips through your fingers.  
  
  
  
  
  
My mind drifted back to me and my sister sitting on the couch watching television. She was still into her show. I could see her eyes light up and a high pitched giggle when Cosmo started to be his usual dumb ass self. She was so happy and so joyous, not a care in the world. You feel like you're floating on a feather and the wind blows gently in your face. Soon the wind stops blowing and you're relying on your own might to hold you up so you don't hit rock bottom.  
  
  
  
I heard a key in the door and immediately knew it was mom. Mom was a waitress at the "Le Paris" restaurant downtown. Mom and I were of the same personality, but she was afraid to show her true colors, especially around Frank. To Frank she was a genuine sweetheart, well mannered, and a wonderful mother. In reality she was paranoid, outspoken, and an average mother. Between me and Kelly, I was like mom and she was like dad. Dad was a dreamer. He believed that everything will work out how it's supposed to in the end. Mom is different, with mom, if something you didn't like happens; you fix it so it doesn't happen again.  
  
  
  
  
  
"So who had a rotten day at school today?"  
  
  
  
"What's your definition of rotten," I asked unsure.  
  
  
  
"That's Melina's code for 'Today was an average BORING day," Kelly snickered.  
  
  
  
"Ok, Frank is coming in one hour! I expect you two to look somewhat acceptable so society doesn't punish me for being an unfit mother!"  
  
  
  
My mother then scurried to her room to get ready. To her, Frank was the most intriguing person in the world, even more so than her own damn flesh and blood. Frank was her world, like any other guy was. Frank was a nice guy, who was too stupid to realize he was being played, and it hurt me since Frank was the only one of mom's "men" I kind of liked. Yet, there was something shady about him that I couldn't quite put my finger on.  
  
  
  
  
  
Frank was pretty much your average Joe. He owned a Kinko's a few buildings over from the restaurant my mom worked at. He had never been married but loved kids. He had deep brown hair and dark brown eyes that you just felt like he was the greatest guy ever. His smile was infectious. You couldn't not be friends to him, in a way; he's kind of like Gordo, except that Gordo isn't shady.  
  
  
  
  
  
I didn't change into something "accepted by society". If my current outfit wasn't accepted by society then why did they make it? Kelly came parading down the stairs in a plaid spaghetti strap dress and sandals. Her strawberry blonde hair fell to her shoulders in light loose waves as the red in the dress brought out the green in her eyes. Mom then came out. Her hair was pulled back in a decorative bun with her bleach blonde wisps of hair framed her heart shaped face. Her steel gray eyes sparkled against her red wrap shirt.  
  
  
  
The phone rang; mom rushed to pick it up and did so. She had a bright smile on her face that nothing could ruin.  
  
"Hello? Oh! Hi Frank! What? You can't make it tonight? You have to talk your cat to the vet? I hope Mittens feels better, love you, bye."  
  
  
  
Mom's smile fell quicker than it was formed, her cheeks then became tearstained as furiously took down her up do. Kelly went to go comfort her as mom rain into her room. Why had mom been crying hysterically? This was the fifth time in two months and Frank didn't have a cat, he was allergic. It took mom till the third time to figure that out. It was just another day in the Bianca household. 


	5. Secrets

How Far?  
  
  
  
Chapter Five: Secrets  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: Same as always.  
  
  
  
  
  
My first high school dance was coming up. I was nervous yet excited at the same time, but I had a mission for the night, to get at least one dance with Gordo. Call me pathetic but that was on my mind since the dance was announced the first day of school. Yet again the plan could work out, but it also may blow up in my face. That won't stop me from trying it again.  
  
  
  
It took me awhile to figure out what I was going to wear. I didn't want to look like a complete slob, nor did I want to look like a trashy slut. I went through my closet sifting through all my clothes. Choosing something to wear for a school dance wasn't supposed to be a grueling task for me, but since I had someone to impress, it was. You may think I'm pathetic, if you do, I'll bring you down to China town.  
  
  
  
I finally found the perfect top. It was a black off shoulder peasant blouse with a rose print to it. It wasn't something I would have worn in junior high, so it was perfect. I then found a pair of jeans that tied up in the front which completed the outfit along with a pair of dark brown patchwork boots. Call me superficial but I knew I looked pretty damn good.  
  
  
  
As I walked down the stairs, I saw mom and Kelly watching a movie together and laughing. Kelly and mom were pretty close. I was close with dad before he died. I was his little princess, he was so proud of me and the fact that he had another daughter. Then all of it was taken away when he got in a car crash with some dumb ass drunk driver.  
  
  
  
"Melina, some guy with a weird name called. He said that he was picking you and Matt up and bringing you guys home. He's standing out on the porch, came here fifteen minutes ago," my mother said unenthusiastically.  
  
  
  
I knew mom was talking about Gordo. I had asked him the day before to drive me to the dance so my mother wouldn't have to. It's much cooler being driven in by a senior than your 37 year old mother. I slowly approached the door; I would have fifteen minutes alone with him in the car because Lizzie has a tendency to take a long time to get the whorish effect using make-up.  
  
  
  
I slowly opened the door and there stood Gordo. The rain outside ran down his face and dampened his tufts of curly hair and his eyes were shining through the darkness of the sky.  
  
  
  
"Are you ready to go, Melina?"  
  
  
  
"Yeah."  
  
  
  
He ran down the porch steps and quickly got into his car. I ran and got into the front passenger seat. The rain ran down my bare shoulders as I sat back in the seat. I looked at Gordo and wanted so badly to kiss his full lips and be held in his strong arms.  
  
  
  
"I don't mean to be weird or anything Melina, but why do you always sit in the front?"  
  
  
  
I wanted so badly to tell him the real reason. That I loved him and wanted to be with him and had since the seventh grade. Then he might think I'm psycho and never want to talk to me again.  
  
"Well?"  
  
  
  
"I get car sick easily in the back, that's why," I said embarrassed.  
  
  
  
"I have a problem like that. If I'm in the back of a roller coaster I do the same exact thing! Wow," He started to laugh.  
  
I loved how he scrunched his nose when he laughed and his eyes lit up with joy. It was truly beautiful, but it made me feel emptier and emptier when I realized he was with Lizzie. My stomach started to feel queasy thinking about it. I wish I could just let all my emotions out and so I could feel complete. I just wanted to kiss him and be with him. He then pulled the car over on the side of the road and got out to look at the car.  
  
  
  
"God damn you! Son of a bitch piece of shit! Stupid excuse for a car!"  
  
  
  
He then started kicking the side of the car in fury and got back in the car.  
  
  
  
"What's wrong?"  
  
  
  
"Flat tire," He said pursing his lips. "Lizzie's going to be pretty damn unhappy when she finds out I have a flat tire. She hated me when I got this car," He said sadly.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Why do you put up with it then?"  
  
  
  
"She's the only one who seems to give a damn about me. Miranda hates me because I'm with Lizzie. My parents are too damn busy to even acknowledge my presence," He said depressed.  
  
  
  
I wanted to tell him about Lizzie's unfaithfulness to him. I wanted him to then feel loved by me and only me. I wanted to take his pain away.  
  
  
  
  
  
"I'm sorry," was all I could manage to say. "You must really love her."  
  
  
  
"I do, yet I don't. It's very complicated."  
  
  
  
I felt my heart break into a million pieces as he said he did. How dare she do that to him? She led him on to believe that she cared for him and was actually screwing him over. She was unfaithful to him. Anyone who makes Gordo feel pain should be punished with the same pain.  
  
  
  
He then pulled out his cell phone and called someone. I didn't know who, but I figured it was Lizzie.  
  
  
  
"Hello? Miranda? I know you hate me and everything but can you do me a favor? I'm stuck near the mall. Can you please pick me and Melina up? I was driving her to the dance and was on my way to get Lizzie and Matt to pick them up for the dance. No I wouldn't do that! I love Lizzie. She what? Ok, I'll be waiting here, see you in fifteen. Bye."  
  
  
  
He hung up and threw the cell phone into the glove compartment and sulked. "What's wrong?"  
  
  
  
"Lizzie. She's been seeing Ethan Craft according to Miranda. This is just peachy."  
  
  
  
"I thought Miranda hated you."  
  
  
  
"She's not exactly my best friend but she'd never lie to me. I want to kill that bastard."  
  
  
  
Gordo nervously combed his fingers through his hair as a tear rolled down his cheek. He then got out of the car and opened the trunk and got out a tire and started to replace it with the tool kit. He must have done it before because he seemed as it came easy to him. He was then finished and put the deflated tire in the trunk.  
  
  
  
A red Volkswagen Beetle pulled over on the side of the road and out came Miranda, Parker, and two girls I didn't recognize.  
  
  
  
"Hi Miranda," Gordo said.  
  
  
  
"Hey, um, you fixed the tire before we even came to help you," Miranda sneered.  
  
  
  
"Well I didn't know if the lug nuts were stuck or not, sorry I made you come all the way over here," he said with a heavy sigh.  
  
  
  
"That's okay, we were bored at Sanchez's house anyway," Parker remarked sarcastically.  
  
"As if we could do anything interesting there with your little sister being there," the blonde said.  
  
  
  
"So we decided that we would help Gordo, but apparently he doesn't need our expertise," the red head said with a chuckle.  
  
  
  
"Oh Melina, these are my friends, Parker, Dana, and Clarisse," Miranda said.  
  
  
  
The blonde was Dana, she was pretty short for a senior at about 5'2". Her hair was up in twists and she looked kind of like Lizzie. I knew Parker from Field hockey; she was the assistant coach for the Junior High team. She stood about 6'4" towering over everyone including Gordo who stood at about 5'6". Clarisse was the red head. I saw her at the school production of "Taming of the Shrew" with Matt and Lanny last year, I also knew her because she was Taylor's older sister.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Don't you hang out with my sister," Clarisse asked.  
  
  
  
"Yeah," I said shyly.  
  
  
  
"So, what are we going to do," Parker asked impatiently.  
  
  
  
"How the hell am I supposed to know?" Miranda yelled.  
  
  
  
"We could go to see the new Ben Stiller movie," Dana suggested.  
  
  
  
"I've already seen it," I said. I really didn't like it which was kind of weird since I like all of his movies.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Do you want to go, Gordo," Parker asked with a sigh.  
  
  
  
"Not really, I already saw it with Lizzie," He said depressed.  
  
  
  
"I'll see you, bye," Miranda said as her companions followed her to her car and she drove off.  
  
  
  
Gordo got back in the car and slammed the door shut, his eyes narrowed as he got back on the road and I sat quietly in the front seat like I had been the whole time. I could see tears rolling down Gordo's eyes as he was driving. He then turned on the radio to some techno station which didn't seem like his music taste. His cell phone then started to ring.  
  
  
  
"Hello? The car broke down Liz, then Miranda and her friends were going to help us but they were going to see the new Ben Stiller movie. Oh, you got Ethan to drive you. Well that's just great! I hope you have fun with Mr. Air brained jock! No I don't have a problem with him. Fine, I got to go, bye."  
  
  
  
He angrily hung up the phone and put it at his side. He looked angrier than he had before and more tears slid down his cheek.  
  
  
  
"Melina, do you really want to go to the dance?"  
  
"Um, not really," I said unsurely.  
  
  
  
"Is it okay if I take you home? I'm not really in the mood either," He said depressed.  
  
  
  
"Okay, that's fine with me."  
  
  
  
He then pulled in my driveway and stopped the car.  
  
  
  
"Sorry, Melina," He said sadly.  
  
  
  
"That's okay, I really didn't feel like going, Matt wanted me to go," I lied.  
  
  
  
"Well, I'll see you Monday, unless I kill Ethan Craft over the weekend and end up in jail," He said sarcastically.  
  
  
  
"Bye," I said with a chuckle.  
  
  
  
Maybe it was just my silly girlhood fantasy taking over the logical part of my mind, but I felt one step closer to getting Gordo. Maybe I was, but I wanted to find out.  
  
  
  
  
  
[A/N: I read over this chapter again and yes it was kind of, bad. I hope the rewrite is better. Please R/R people!] 


	6. Learn

How Far?  
  
  
  
Chapter Six: Learn  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: Same as always  
  
  
  
  
  
Many people are naïve or blissfully clueless. I am not one of them. I know that nothing usually goes the way you want it to unless you make it go that way. Some people are sheltered so they don't have to know about the real nitty gritty of life.  
  
  
  
I sat watching Gordo and Lizzie make out in the hallway. On Friday he was so angry with her unfaithfulness. I couldn't believe how much of a dumb ass he could be, but everyone has undesirable qualities that help shape who they are. Gordo must really love Lizzie to not even acknowledge that he knew or he must be one big fat idiot. I sighed with disgust as I slammed my locker.  
  
  
  
"Something plaguing you, Melina," Matt asked.  
  
  
  
"No, nothing at all," I said sarcastically.  
  
  
  
"Melina, you've been acting really weird lately. What is wrong with you? You should be able to tell me. I'm your best friend," He said worried.  
  
  
  
"There's nothing you should know about! Leave me the hell alone," I yelled tearfully.  
  
  
  
"Melina, tell me what's wrong," he said as he touched my shoulder.  
  
  
  
"You wouldn't understand!"  
  
  
  
More and more tears ran down my face. I couldn't control the tears from making my face tear stained. Matt's eyes showed concerned as he hugged me and stroked my hair.  
  
  
  
"Tell me, please," He said softly.  
  
  
  
"No!"  
  
  
  
I broke out of his embrace and ran down the hallway to the bathroom where I went to fix my running mascara. I then saw Lizzie talking on her cell phone and pacing back and forth.  
  
  
  
"Miranda Sanchez told him?! How did that little bitch find out?! Caitlin Beck told her, Caitlin is my best friend. How dare her! Does she want Gordo? Oh right, she's going out with Danny Kessler. Still, why did she tell her? You don't know? Ashley, how can you not know? Fine you little bitch; your days of ruling the school are over, same with Caitlin! Later you slut, don't want to see your ugly face ever again," She angrily hung up the phone and stuffed it back in her purse. She then took out a cigarette and lit it and began to smoke it.  
  
  
  
"What are you doing here," she sneered.  
  
  
  
"I wanted to fix my mascara, I was upset and it started to run," I said truthfully. "Oh, that's why you use water proof," she said wisely. "Why were you upset?"  
  
  
  
I couldn't tell her why, she would figured I was the one who told one of her blonde lackeys and make my high school career very miserable, even after she graduated, so I had to make a believable excuse.  
  
  
  
"When did you pick up smoking?"  
  
  
  
"It calms my nerves, the nicotine just takes my troubles away," she said she looked at herself in the mirror. "You want to give it a whirl?"  
  
  
  
"No thanks, kickboxing calms my nerves," I lied.  
  
  
  
"I wish I was athletic, I wish I was different. Be proud of who you are, Melina. Don't ever make yourself be anyone you don't want to be. So, tell me, what's bothering you?"  
  
  
  
I had to make the best excuse ever, yet again I was just adding to my mountain of lies that I had made to cover my pathetic ass.  
  
  
  
"Beginning high school has been very overwhelming for me, and my friend said something that set me off," I lied with a sigh.  
  
  
  
"People are such assholes," She sneered. "If you tell anyone about our conversation, I will make your high school career a living hell, even after you graduate." "Like I would even bother telling people that the famous Lizzie McGuire even gave me the time of day," I said mockingly as I exited the bathroom. Even underneath her trashy clothes and whorish make up was an actual human being who felt some emotion, maybe there was hope for her yet.  
  
  
  
When I closed the bathroom door, I saw Rita and Taylor standing outside the door with scowls on their faces.  
  
  
  
"What," I asked as I rolled my eyes.  
  
  
  
"You suck," Taylor said proudly.  
  
  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
  
  
"You suck as a friend, can't you see that Matt was trying to be nice and compassionate to you and you just blew him off?! What kind of person are you?!"  
  
  
  
"My friendship with Matt is none of your damn business," I said aggravated.  
  
  
  
"Matt's our friend too," Rita pointed out. When she did talk, she pointed out stuff that was already apparent, so she should have just been quiet to begin with.  
  
  
  
"This obsession thing has gone too far! You need help! You're blowing off your friends; you're lashing out on them. What the hell is your problem you asshole?!" Taylor yelled.  
  
"Wait, wait, hold on. You didn't tell him, did you?"  
  
  
  
"He should know," Taylor said with a sigh. I honestly thought she told him, so my body took over my mind and I knocked her to the ground and started to punch her. I couldn't control my violence towards one of my good friends. It's just, the weirdest things set me off.  
  
  
  
"How dare you?! You told him! I thought you were my friend! He doesn't need to know!"  
  
  
  
"I didn't tell him! I wouldn't do that!"  
  
  
  
Kids started gathering and chanting for us to go on. What were we? Clowns? We were clowns for their sick amusement; I then got off of Taylor and stood up facing the crowd.  
  
  
  
"Why did you stop fighting?" one boy yelled. "Chick fights kick ass!"  
  
  
  
I faced the boy who appeared to be a sophomore and looked him straight in the eye; he then backed off and ran like a ninny.  
  
  
  
"Miss Bianca! I saw the whole thing, let's get you to the principal's office," said Mr. Pinker, the biology teacher who definitely needed a lesson in proper style.  
  
  
  
Mr. Pinker grabbed me by the arm and led me to the principal's office which was a little ways down the hallway. Mr. Pinker was the strictest teacher there was, even if you sneezed during a test, he would say you were cheating.  
  
The principal's office was a desolate place, or so it seemed to me. All the usual suspects were scattered in chairs around the office and watching them was a weasel like secretary named Miss Caruso. She watched everyone with her darting eyes and stared at everyone as if they were subhuman. It was no wonder why she never became, Mrs. Whatever. Rumor had it that after a boyfriend broke up with her, she'd kill them. Sadly, it was just a mere rumor that none of the faculty would believe, even if you gave them an all expense paid trip to Barbados.  
  
  
  
  
  
I sat down in one of the old, faux leather chairs and looked suspiciously at some of the usual suspects. One was a girl who wore a dark leather jacket and curly blonde hair that skimmed her shoulders. She turned her nose up at me and I rolled my eyes. A big burly guy who seemed to be even taller than Parker McKenzie, stood in the corner eyeing everyone, probably to make sure they made no sudden moves.  
  
  
  
"Melina Shannon Bianca," I heard a voice call from within.  
  
  
  
I slowly approached the door and turned the knob, my judgment awaited me.  
  
  
  
[A/N: *Sigh* I feel as though this story might be on the brink of going down hill. I will continue for the fans though. Let's just hope my next Fan Fiction will be better. As always, please review with your thoughts. Thank you.] 


	7. Punishment

`How Far?  
  
  
  
Chapter Seven: Punishment  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: Same as always.  
  
  
  
I opened the door to see a man in his early 30's sitting in a chair and spinning around in it, it was Principal Reynolds. I had seen him before during the orientation on the first day of school. He had dark brown, spiky hair and what appeared to be grayish eyes. He sat amused with one those click pens that light up.  
  
  
  
"So, Miss Bianca? Why did you beat up Taylor Campbell," He asked while he giggled at the pen as it lit up and made his face appear to be blue.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Because, I wasn't thinking, and I thought that she told someone something that I didn't want them to know," I said truthfully admitting how much of an ass I was. A look of relief came over his face, after the light in the pen blew out. Apparently he wasn't too fond of the color blue. His amusement with the chair didn't stop as he began to spin faster and faster. Exactly what were they looking for in a principal nowadays? Someone who was fun and gave the kids a sense of comfort when they came in? If that was true, then coming to the principal's office wasn't a task filled with fear, yet again you get a sense of fear when Miss Caruso starts staring at you with her weasel eyes.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Oh, well if you weren't thinking, then how come you thought that she told whatever this dark secret is," he riddled me. Mr. Reynolds didn't give you a sense of comfort; he gave you a sense of confusion. He was one of the adults who tried to keep up with the teenage trends so they'd be considered an adult you could relate to. I was pretty sure I didn't know any teenager who could relate to a crazy, pen clicking, chair spinning principal who liked to tell riddles and jokes. Oh wait, there was, Matt. "Can you please get to my punishment, Principal Reynolds?!"  
  
  
  
"Please, call me Ben, all the other kids do. Why do you want your punishment so soon? All the other kids get at least an hour of riddles out of me, before I even discuss their punishment," he chuckled. This guy wasn't just confusing, he was plain annoying. He had all of this corny, dry humor he used as an excuse so he would make a spur of the moment punishment.  
  
  
  
"Principal Rey-, I mean 'Ben'; I just want to get out of here as soon as possible! Please spare me the chit chat and get on with the punishment," I exploded, but did he notice? No, he was too busy with his exploration of a container of tic-tacs. Maybe if his corny humor didn't keep me here for over an hour, then maybe his obscure fascinations would.  
  
  
  
"Oh, what did you say, Melina? I wanted to see if there were any green tic- tacs in the container full of white ones. See there's a contest-  
  
  
  
"Just get done with my punishment and you can keep the next kid here for two hours!"  
  
  
  
"Deal! Okay, Melina, since I feel you have some issues in the psychology department, I'm assigning you for three weeks with a peer counselor. You will also get four days of detention after school and one hour of help in the attendance office filing before school. Either that or you can have internal suspension for two days. Two days of staring at a wall and listening to our very own Mrs. Erickson degrade you by the hour. I'm assuming you'd jump immediately for the first one," he droned. I can see why he doesn't like to talk, he doesn't like to listen to his voice drone on and on, and quiet frankly, neither did I.  
  
  
  
"Yes Principal Reynolds," I said obediently.  
  
He then got a sheet of paper out and looked over it. He raised his eyebrow as he read it; he was a very weird man, but a very nice one nonetheless.  
  
  
  
  
  
"You're in luck; we have one peer counselor left. Your peer counselor is Larry Tudgeman."  
  
  
  
  
  
That's not who I was expecting, or wanted.  
  
  
  
[A/N: I loved writing this chapter! It was just really, really fun to write. I hope everyone likes it. Please review, thank you very much!] 


	8. Encounter

How Far?  
  
  
  
Chapter Eight: Encounter  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: Same as always.  
  
  
  
  
  
It was lunch time, the one period of the day I could stare and fantasize about Gordo for a good solid forty minutes. Matt wasn't talking to me and couldn't blame him. I had been a bitch to him. Taylor was another story; she had betrayed me by even getting the idea of telling him. Lanny sat quietly as usual, drinking his soda and eating his cafeteria pizza. You could tell by Lanny's body language that he didn't want to get involved; he was a non confrontational type of guy.  
  
  
  
"So, Melina, what was your punishment," Matt asked timidly.  
  
  
  
"I got four days of detention, three weeks of peer counseling, and one hour of helping filing in the attendance office before school," I said not looking him in the eye.  
  
  
  
"Oh, who's your peer counselor?"  
  
  
  
"Larry Tudgeman," I said rolling my eyes.  
  
  
  
"Don't look now, but Doctor Tudgeman is in the house," he chuckled.  
  
"Oh Melina! Melina! Melina!"  
  
  
  
"Oh shit," I muttered.  
  
  
  
Larry Tudgeman, is a nice guy like Principal Reynolds, and like him he has a very weird persona and obscure fascinations. Principal Reynolds is fascinated with light up pens, spinning chairs, contests, and weird riddles. Larry is intrigued by Star wars, Lord of the Rings, and science museums. He pulled up a chair from another table and pulled over to my table.  
  
  
  
"Melina, do you know what time it is," He asked.  
  
  
  
"Lunch time, it's where you eat food and talk to your friends. Don't you have friends to talk to," I retorted while taking a sip of Pepsi.  
  
  
  
"Nah, I mean I do, but Parker and Miranda found an exchange student from France who they claimed was a 'total hottie' and left me here, now I am the lone soldier. Anyway, it's my counseling time," He said with a sigh.  
  
  
  
"I thought that you came to me while I was in detention and talked to me then. That's what Principal Reynolds said in the sheet he gave me," I said aggravated.  
  
  
  
"Principal Reynolds also believes he's Ben Stiller. Face it Melina, the guy's a whack job."  
  
  
  
"Ok, he gave me the sheet. It's supposed to be-  
  
  
  
"Well, the sheet Principal Reynolds gave me said that I do my counseling jig during lunch. So, would you rather do it here with your little friends around or at another table where you can express your thoughts freely and openly?"  
  
  
  
"Bye Lanny, Bye Matt," I said as if it were the last time I was going to see them.  
  
  
  
I then followed Larry to a table near Lizzie and Gordo's table. I wanted to thank Larry for choosing such a superb spot, but yet again my counseling with him would probably be extended.  
  
  
  
"What are you doing Tudgeman?! Trying to corrupt the youth of our nation," I heard a voice yell from the other table. It belonged to Gordo.  
  
  
  
"Yeah, Melina's already corrupted enough as it is, leave the poor child alone," Lizzie screeched sarcastically.  
  
  
  
"Yeah, well, I'm not the one with a smoking addiction," I retorted happily.  
  
  
  
"Eww, you smoke, Lizzie? You know I hate smokers," He said.  
  
  
  
"And your point is..?"  
  
"Will you excuse me, Lizzie? I have to go clear out my lungs from possible second hand smoke," Gordo snapped as he took his stuff and left Lizzie's lunch table.  
  
  
  
"What a stupid guy! I've never smoked around him," She then noticed Larry and I were staring at her. "Go counsel!"  
  
  
  
"I hate her, after she turned into Kate," Larry said with a sigh.  
  
  
  
"Don't worry buddy, the feeling is mutual towards her."  
  
  
  
"Let's begin. So, tell me about yourself."  
  
  
  
I didn't know what to tell Larry. Sure I knew of him, but I didn't really know the Larry Tudgeman. I knew about the time he went out with Lizzie, before she turned into a huge bitch. I wanted to spill all of my emotions out that I had only told Rita and Taylor, yet I regret telling them. I had told Lanny too, but he was the most trustworthy person I know. Matt just couldn't know, as much as I wanted to tell him, I had this feeling in the pit of my stomach that no good would come out of me telling him.  
  
  
  
"Melina?"  
  
  
  
"Oh, um, why do you necessarily need to know about me?"  
  
  
  
"To see if you're a mental case or not," he said sarcastically.  
  
  
  
I gave him a cold stare, but he really didn't care. Larry was one of those guys who really didn't care what people thought of him. I mean, you could call him any name in the book, and he wouldn't really care, I admired him for that.  
  
  
  
  
  
"I um, I'm in ninth grade and um-  
  
  
  
"Melina, you don't have to tense up. Everything you say will be in confidence."  
  
  
  
"I know that."  
  
  
  
"It didn't seem like you did," he said raising an eyebrow.  
  
  
  
Larry in a way was like Gordo. He was smart, sarcastic, and really weird, which made him kind of intriguing, but not as intriguing as Gordo. I kind of felt sorry that all he had to talk to this lunch period was me, considering Parker and Miranda had chased after the French exchange student. I wasn't exactly going to tell him anything. I didn't want him to know anything, he like Taylor and Rita would think I'm a psycho, even though it's probably true.  
  
  
  
"Okay, Melina, the funny thing about this is, for this to be considered a session, you actually have to talk."  
  
  
  
I then glared at him again.  
  
  
  
"If you want people to think you're crazy, I can tell them! I have influence over the underclassmen. I am a senior!"  
  
  
  
"I'm not crazy."  
  
  
  
"Ooh, the psycho talks. Anyway, I can tell there's something you want to get off of your chest really badly. It's been plaguing you for a long time, and very few people know about it. What is it?"  
  
  
  
What was he? A mind reader? Actually probably more of a people observer. He seemed like the kind of guy who watched people and studied their behaviors and idiosyncrasies. It seemed as though the art of people watching, intrigued him.  
  
  
  
"What? Am I right?"  
  
  
  
"Um, to an extent," I nervously spit out.  
  
  
  
"Yes! I am great at this! So, what is it? A boy? Parents? School?"  
  
  
  
"I really can't tell you," I said not looking him in the eye.  
  
  
  
"Yeah you can. I'm your peer counselor. You're supposed to tell me stuff, and I'm supposed to help you. It's a nice cycle."  
  
  
  
"Do you honestly care about my problems?"  
  
This was sure to piss him off. I saw him trying to think of a witty response that would override my sarcastic question.  
  
  
  
"Well, I mean, I'm supposed to. So yes, I do care, to an extent."  
  
  
  
What a comforting feeling, knowing that your peer counselor is supposed care, but he probably even doesn't give a shit about you or your petty problems.  
  
  
  
---Ring---  
  
  
  
"That's the bell, so, same time tomorrow," Larry asked.  
  
  
  
"I'll be waiting with baited breath," I said sarcastically as I picked up my backpack. At least I would be away from Larry in detention.  
  
  
  
  
  
[A/N: Please review with your thoughts as always, thank you.] 


	9. Equation

How Far?  
  
  
  
Chapter Nine: Equation  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: Same as always.  
  
  
  
  
  
Algebra. Oh how I hated having algebra after lunch. It was truly the class that made the whole day go straight downhill. I went to my locker and opened it. I kind of gave it the "Melina Bianca" touch to it. It was adorned with They Might Be Giant posters, various movie posters, and pictures of me with my friends. I wasn't exactly the most popular girl in the ninth grade, nor was I the unattractive geek who no one would go out with to save their life. I was your stereotypical, average teenage girl. Yes, I like shopping and guys, I get average grades and like to hang out with my friends. I am average, Lizzie's not average and Gordo loves her, maybe then Gordo won't love me. Being average won't stop me from trying to get Lizzie McGuire the hell away from Gordo.  
  
  
  
  
  
I then realized I was late for algebra with no other than Mr. Pinker when I heard the bell ring. It's bad enough that he had busted me in the beginning of the day, but he went postal when you were even a second late. I slammed my locker closed and went towards the Algebra room which was about twenty feet away from my locker.  
  
  
  
  
  
"You're late Ms. Bianca," Mr. Pinker said as I entered the room.  
  
  
  
"I'm sorry," I said putting on the best pitiful face that I could.  
  
"Well, at least you're sorry," He said while he looked for his lesson plan for today.  
  
  
  
I sat down to my regular seat that was right next to Melissa Hall, the most popular girl in the ninth grade according to the opinions of drooling male freshman who thought she was the next Cindy Crawford. She was dumb as a rock when it came to academics, but that didn't stop her from insulting everyone who was below her on the social scale.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Ok, today we are going to solve equations! Is anyone happy?"  
  
  
  
Of course there was silence, no one is happy about algebra, except Mr. Pinker, but he is a lonely bald man, who thinks plaid is the biggest thing since roller disco.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Well, I'm happy! Okay, the first example today is 2a+3a-9=26."  
  
  
  
Okay think Melina, think. 2a is me, 3a is Gordo, and 9 is Lizzie. To get Lizzie out the way, you add her to 26 to get 35. You then combine the like terms, which are me and Gordo to get 5a. Then you divide 35 by 5a to get seven! Algebra is easy when you relate it to real life. For once, I know something before the class genius, Irene Johnson does. I'm on top, I'm-  
  
  
  
"The answer is a equals seven," Irene said proudly.  
  
  
  
"Very good, Ms. Johnson. Everyone should follow Irene's example," Mr. Pinker said cheerfully. Irene Johnson, your average run of the mill teacher's pet. She's absolutely perfect in the eyes of teachers, but outside the classroom, she is a ranting and raving bitch whose parents spoil her to death with their large paychecks, Caribbean vacations, and luxury cars. Matt liked her at one point, he even asked her out, she then blatantly rejected him because he didn't come from good money, people like that sicken me. I even hate Irene more than I do Lizzie, which is quite astounding to say the least. What is perfect or beauty in that matter? Is it what we see on magazine covers? Or is it something else? To me, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, to someone on the face of this earth, you are beautiful. Why did I begin thinking about this shit? Oh well, it's not my fault that I'm in a peculiar mood, so I'll go blame teenage hormones.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Melina Bianca!"  
  
  
  
"Huh?"  
  
  
  
"Would you like to walk us through the next problem," Mr. Pinker sneered.  
  
  
  
"I would if I knew what the problem was," I said as I felt my face turn red in embarrassment.  
  
  
  
"Ok," he huffed. "The problem is 50a+25a+20=170, please walk us through it."  
  
  
  
"First you minus 20 from 170."  
  
  
  
"Mr. Pinker, she's wrong. You're supposed to combine like terms *then* minus 20 from 170," she said in a sweet tone of voice, which I knew was complete bull shit. "It doesn't matter! You still get 'a' equals two! It doesn't matter!"  
  
  
  
"Ms. Bianca, I think you've had enough excitement for today, go back to your normal, simple minded state," Mr. Pinker scoffed as he lowered his glasses. I heard Irene chuckle while Melissa put on her lip gloss. I could definitely see why Larry said Principal Reynolds was a "whack job". He hired Mr. Pinker.  
  
  
  
"You really shouldn't ask people to answer an equation, if you're not going to let them. I wanted to try; I wanted to show people that I can do this, that I can-  
  
  
  
See what a complete buffoon I made out of myself when Gordo is standing right outside the door.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Mr. Gordon! How lovely to see you again," Mr. Pinker cheerfully chirped.  
  
  
  
"I was coming back from my locker and was about to go back to study hall. Melina, I never knew you had Mr. Pinker for algebra!"  
  
  
  
"You know her," he said as if I were infected with the flesh eating disease.  
  
  
  
"Through mutual friends," I said with a sigh.  
  
  
  
"Are you kidding? We are mutual friends," He said with a chuckle, the chuckle was probably because of my stupidity.  
  
  
  
There was one word I can think of to describe my feelings towards that moment. AAAAH!! My mind was screaming with joy as a Cheshire cat smile engulfed my morbid, bored frown that had once been there. Did he just say we're mutual friends?! Somebody pinch me!  
  
  
  
  
  
"Miss Bianca, are you alright," Mr. Pinker said while he was cleaning his glasses with his shirt.  
  
  
  
  
  
"F-Fine, perfect, down right peachy!"  
  
  
  
Peachy? Did I seriously just say I was, peachy? What kind of twisted person am I? Gordo must think I'm a real nutcase by now, if he doesn't think that already.  
  
  
  
"Mr. Gordon! Shouldn't you be on your way back to, where ever it is you came from? Good bye," He said waving to Gordo.  
  
  
  
"Bye, Mr. Pinker. Bye Melina, bye, um, everyone else," he said as he walked away into distance.  
  
  
  
  
  
My trip on the train filled with happiness, came to a screeching halt. I felt emptier than before. If he truly loved me, he would have stayed. He doesn't love me, he loves Lizzie. Precious little Lizzie McGuire who can do absolutely no wrong and was a heavenly angel, yeah right, it was only a fake façade that only Miranda and I wouldn't believe for a second. Matt knew his sister was a slut, but wouldn't admit it to himself that it was true. There had to be away to make Gordo mine, and I was going to find it, and I don't care what happens, as long as he is mine.  
  
  
  
[A/N: As always, review with your thoughts, thank you.] 


	10. Hunger

How Far?  
  
  
  
Chapter Ten: Hunger  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: Same as always.  
  
  
  
Hunger. Hunger is often associated with food. Hunger to me can mean that, and it also too can mean a yearning or strong desire for something. I have a hunger or desire to be with Gordo. It's kind of creepy if I look at my situation from an outsider's point of view, but there's nothing I can do about it. I just can't wake up one day and tell myself I don't like Gordo, it's impossible because I still have that hunger or desire for him and only having him can make it go away.  
  
  
  
My mom picked me up after I had detention. She had been informed by Principal Reynolds. At first she thought it was one of her co-workers making a prank call to her cell phone, but she soon learned it wasn't. Needless to say, the car ride was very silent. I had never seen mom so mad in her life. Mom could be mad, I mean everyone can, even those people with the fake façades that make them seem like Miss Mary Sunshine everyday of their lives, but mom was never this mad. I felt ashamed. Ashamed that I even got into a fight and ashamed that basically my reason for trying to kick Taylor's ass was because of Gordo and how she threatened to tell Matt.  
  
  
  
  
  
I was now sitting in my room looking over my notes from Algebra. They didn't look like algebra notes, they looked like the doodles of a love sick girl who idolized a teeny bopper pop icon and was star struck by him. Even though I was ashamed of myself, I couldn't stop loving Gordo. Whenever I try to clear my head of my thoughts and fantasies involving him and I tell myself how he controls my actions and thoughts, I'm almost finally over him, I'm so close, but he has this charm to him, which makes me forget about why I tried to get over him in the first place. He's like a drug, you try to stop doing it, but then it has this allure to it which makes it more desirable than before.  
  
My sister was on her bed chatting mindlessly to her demented playmate about all of the "geeks" and how my sister and she practically ruled the sixth grade. I felt sorry for my sister, I felt sorry that she was too caught up in her twisted and bloated ego to realize she was just another face in the crowd. No one is perfect, it's humanly impossible because everyone has a different perspective of what's perfect; beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Its weird how that works out isn't it?  
  
  
  
  
  
"And then, Ray, you know the one whose brother dumped my ugly sister, asked me out! And of course I said yes! He is so cute," She exclaimed while scrunching her nose.  
  
  
  
  
  
Was it the Henderson family who wanted to have the girls of the Bianco family wallow in their self pity after being dumped by one of them?  
  
  
  
  
  
Jimmy Henderson, my second boyfriend. Normally a girl doesn't remember her second boyfriend; her first one is usually more memorable. Well, this one is memorable because Jimmy gave me my first and so far only broken heart. There was just something about him that allured him to me. He was truly the definition of "irresistible". Jimmy has your stereotypical air-headed, conceited jock. I was lucky enough to go out with him; I made all of the other minions who followed him around like puppies jealous. I was so damn proud of myself; I made the whole 7th grade female student body jealous of me. I myself was twisted in my ego because I was going out with Jimmy. Then after two months of being in an alternate universe, I came crashing down to reality when Jimmy broke up with me. He said that he would take me to the eight grade formal, so it was better than not going with him. Then he ditched me for Matt's date, Larissa Tompkins, the second most popular girl in the seventh grade, then Matt and I formed alliance and rained on their parade, literally, by dumping the whole punch bowl on them. It was great, except for the fact that we were banned from the rest of the dances.  
  
  
  
  
  
I wished that I could have gone with Gordo, but I tried to fill the emptiness of not having him with Jimmy. It lasted for two months, so it did work. Now, his relationship with Lizzie was on the rocks, he considers me a mutual friend, and he's weak right now. Wait, what am I thinking? I don't want to hurt him, but I don't wish to feel the emptiness and wanting anymore, I want to have him for my own. He wouldn't understand about pain and anguish; he's never wanted something he can't have.  
  
  
  
He probably won't know the feeling of wanting and yearning. Lizzie has been in front of him his whole life, he could have had her ages ago, but they both had to come to terms with their romantic feelings towards each other before they pursued a relationship filled with lies. Lizzie never got over Ethan, as much as Gordo wanted to believe it, he never did. Ethan became very alluring to Lizzie; she wanted what she couldn't have. She's been having an ongoing affair with Ethan since eleventh grade, and Gordo had been oblivious to the entire thing until Miranda informed him.  
  
  
  
I always have looked up to Miranda; she's always been a non-conformist while Lizzie is a tragic wannabe who would have jumped off a bridge to be in the in crowd, but she didn't have to after Kate moved to New York in tenth grade, because Claire had no power, even though she was thought out to be a pure bitch, it was a fake façade covering her own insecurities. Lizzie then seized the opportunity which caused Miranda to get angry with Lizzie. Miranda didn't want her best friend to become a mindless trendoid who only cared about superficial traits, degrading weaker peers, and rejecting the nerds who asked them out. Gordo, who was caught in the middle, he took Lizzie's side because she was his girlfriend, he still was on speaking terms with Miranda, but Lizzie hasn't talked to her since tenth grade.  
  
  
  
It's weird how Miranda and Lizzie broke their friendship for something as silly as that. I mean, you're supposed to be friends through thick and thin and all that other shit. Friendship is something you should cherish and not take for granted. I know that sounds corny, but it's true. You'll only appreciate something once it's gone and then it won't be there anymore, and then what are you going to do except wallow in your self pity? I appreciate Gordo; I don't take him for granted, while Lizzie does because she's a snotty bitch. Oh well, she has Ethan, the two of them can go bask in their stupidity and superficiality for all I care, which I hope it will happen so I can have Gordo for myself. It better happen sometime soon or I don't know what I'll do.  
  
  
  
[A/N: Yes, I have updated! I found my muse in a song from the 80's. Go thank all of the recording artists from the eighty's. This chapter is kind of fillerish, but that's okay, I'm trying to stretch out the story. I'm hoping to be done by the end of February or beginning of March, but I think I'm pushing it to the end of March just to be safe. As always, please review with your thoughts. Thank you.] 


	11. Tradition

How Far?  
  
  
  
Chapter Eleven: Tradition  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: Same as always.  
  
  
  
We all have traditions with our friends. Some may include Friday night at the movies, Saturday Night parties, or basically anything that unites us together and makes us forget our troubles because we're with our friends. My tradition with Matt and Lanny was our Tuesday night Pizza dinner at Mario's which was located next to Johnny Rocket's in the mall's food court. We had started the tradition a week into sixth grade and had grown quite accustomed to it.  
  
  
  
I sat in the booth with Matt and Lanny as we waited for our usual extra cheese and pepperoni pizza. Lanny sat across from Matt and I, observing the world as he usually did. Lanny would absorb so much information about his surroundings that it was truly amazing. While Lanny was making intellectual observations, Matt was folding napkins into different shapes. Lanny and Matt were two different people. Matt was your all around goofball who didn't have a care in the world, while Lanny was introspective and intellectual.  
  
  
  
  
  
Mario's was a restaurant run by an all Italian family. It has a really friendly atmosphere to it and the food is wonderful, even better than my mom's cooking, which is quite amazing because no one can really top my mom's superior Italian cooking. The food had this euphoric taste to it. It leaves you wanting more because it tastes so good.  
  
  
  
I couldn't help thinking about Gordo, is there even a minute when my thoughts don't involve him? I know it seriously sounds pathetic, but it's true. Oh well, I think my obsession is fun. "So, Lanny, what do you think of asking Carmen Roberto to homecoming," Matt asked suggestively. Carmen Roberto moved here in seventh grade from Guatemala. She's pretty nice, almost too nice. Not too nice in the way that it's fake, just too nice in the way that it's kind of creepy. She's really smart too and Lanny has had a crush on her since the end of eight grade. Lanny shrugged and looked at Matt weirdly.  
  
  
  
  
  
"No Lanny! I mean, you've had a crush on her since, I don't know, but she's really nice and you're a great guy Lanny. Everybody loves you! Right, Melina," Matt asked as he cocked his eyebrow.  
  
  
  
"Oh yeah, everyone loves you Lanny, not necessarily in an intimate way, but everyone loves you in a platonic way," I said in a drifting tone of voice as I took a sip from my soda.  
  
  
  
It was kind of ironic how Matt looked out for Lanny, I mean, Matt is a very sheltered person and Lanny knows all of the dangers of the world. Matt didn't know what gay was until like sixth grade. I know I sound critical, but it's the truth, so be it. Matt probably hasn't felt depression because he's off in "Happy Land" and I'm living in the real world, it's kind of odd how we're so different and we're friends. Well, we kind of mesh well together. I mean, if we didn't mesh well together we wouldn't have become friends in fifth grade and stayed friends since.  
  
  
  
  
  
"So, Matt, who are you going to ask to go to homecoming," I asked with a snicker and high-fived Lanny. Lanny's eyes lit up with mischief as Matt sat there like a goon.  
  
  
  
"There's someone," he said nervously. His eyes started to dart back and forth. I could sense his fear.  
  
"Oh really? Who? Anyone I know," I asked coyly. It was fun playing mind games with Matt, due to the fact that I would always win and winning and success are such great feelings.  
  
  
  
"Nah, I mean, you won't," he said not looking me in the eye. I mentally laughed at his pathetic attempt to try and get the better of me. Okay buddy, I *will* find out.  
  
  
  
"C'mon, I could track her down, ask if she'll go with you, and if she won't, I'll beat her face in," I chuckled. Lanny rolled his eyes for some inane reason. Matt sat, still like a goon, and didn't respond. He was so still he looked like a statue.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Fine, we'll play the guessing game," I chuckled. Matt stared at me, as Tony Basil's "Mickey" played in the background.  
  
  
  
"Taylor Campbell?"  
  
  
  
"No, I don't like girls who dress like 'Buffy, the Vampire Slayer," he said seriously. I rolled my eyes; I always thought that he might have had a thing for her.  
  
  
  
"Rita St. Claire?"  
  
  
  
"You're kidding, right," he said raising an eyebrow. "It's not so hard to guess, Melina."  
  
  
  
"Don't tell me you have a crush on Miranda, *again*?"  
  
Lanny just sighed, the two of them were acting weird, weirder than normal which was quite frightening. Maybe he talks incessantly about a certain girl and I'm just oblivious because I'm off in "Gordo Land" where I want to marry Gordo and have his babies and live in a stylish mansion with him while Lizzie lives in cardboard box in the alley of an adult bookstore. Oh well, one can only dream of some great events.  
  
  
  
"It's not even that important," Matt said shyly. I knew Matt was afraid of rejection, he always had been. "She probably wouldn't even go with me," he sighed as he took a bite of his pizza that had been delivered a minute ago to the table. "Ouch! It's hot," he screamed. "Anyway, she'll just be like, 'Oh, I only want to be friends with you'," he said in a falsetto voice.  
  
  
  
Whoever this girl was, wasn't worth of Matt's time. She seemed like some pompous cheerleader who chewed gum loudly and blew bubbles with it. I looked at Lanny with a sad expression and he rolled his eyes. It was obvious something weird was going on. Lanny was being moody and Matt was a love sick puppy who was fawning over this goddess like girl who he thought he didn't have a chance with. Whoever this girl was, I was going to find her and beat her face in. I wonder who it could possibly be, oh well, I'll find out, I always do.  
  
  
  
[A/N: Ah, yes, I haven't updated in awhile. I've been busy. As always please review with your thoughts thank you. Here is my thought, Melina is very stupid, yes, she is, if you catch my drift. *Nudge Nudge*] 


	12. Crash

How Far?

Chapter Twelve: Crash

Disclaimer: Same as always…

I sat eating lunch with Larry like I had for the past two weeks. Miranda and Parker sat on the opposite side of the table indulging in gossip about the hot French exchange student they were still changing. Larry was as bad as I thought he was. He was tolerable. 

"Can I have a chip," he asked motioning to my bag of Ruffles.

"Oh sure, help yourself," I said as I took a bite of my ham sandwich. He took a handful of chips and put them on his tray near his taco. I did miss Matt's sarcastic comments and Lanny's introspective ones as well, but it wasn't so bad, at least I didn't get suspended or anything.

"Have I told you how much I hate Lizzie," Larry said as a look of anger flickered in his eyes. He was kind of obsessive about the fact on how much he hated Lizzie, yet again who am I to label someone obsessive? I myself am a psycho when it comes to Gordo.

"Only like a thousand times," I sighed angrily.

"Anyway," he said as he rolled his eyes. "Lizzie was just fine as being normal, fun Lizzie. Now she's 'Lizzie, the two-timing whore'. I mean, why did she feel the need to change? She was perfectly fine the way she was," he sighed.

"Do I sense a liking to the old Lizzie," I asked as I raised an eyebrow.

He crunched a chip angrily. It was quite amusing when I got under Larry's skin, very amusing indeed. If it were an Olympic sport to get under Larry's skin, I'd get first place. It kind of fazed me how Larry could get irritable at times.

"So," he said as he took a drink of his soda. "What about *your* love life?"

No. There was no way in the world I was going to tell him anything at all. Telling him would be like telling a giant megaphone, whatever I was going to say would be amplified.

"Do you like anyone," he asked with a chuckle. 

I rolled my eyes, "There's someone."

"Ooh! Ooh! Tell me," he exclaimed as if he were one of my female friends. Maybe he became effeminate due to the fact that he never really seemed to hang around with guys.

"Wait," he said. "You left this very *interesting* notebook yesterday," he said as he held a notebook with pink hearts all over it.

I was dumbfounded. I either wanted to kill Larry at the moment or hug him for finding it instead of someone else. 

"Th-Th-That's not mine," I stammered.

"Melina," he addressed me. "Even if I didn't find this, I still would have figured it out. I mean, whenever he comes around your eyes go all weird. Personally, I don't think you should like an older guy, especially Gordo. My sister who's twenty three had an older boyfriend who was five years older than her and she got raped."

Now, I seriously wanted to kill Larry. Larry had found out and insulted me as a person, his intentions were good, but he basically screwed himself over in his wording. I felt my body flare up with rage and anger. I may be overreacting but he insulted me as a whole person. It was like if he just insulted my entire family. For a smart guy, he was being extremely dumb.

"You're really lucky that I haven't killed you yet. Give me the notebook," I commanded.

He glared at me. What an angry glare it was. I met his glare with a combination of an eye roll and a scoff. The whole point was to show him that if he messed with me, I would seriously kick his ass.

"Hmm, I wonder who should see it first. Lizzie or Gordo. Hey! Maybe they can see it at the same time," he suggested.

"Larry, please just give it back to me," I said submissively. I felt hurt. The person I was supposed to trust with all of my problems almost destroyed me. 

"Melina, you can have it back," he said as he put it down. "You seriously have some issues you need to work out. I mean, he doesn't even give you the time of day, and you're life is centered on him. I hate to say this, but honestly, you're really pathetic. I'm afraid that if you try to get him for yourself, that someone is going to get hurt in the process. Stop before you do some damage, seriously. I'm not trying to be a complete jackass, but you seriously need help. Help that I can't give you. I wish I could, but I don't want to be responsible for your actions, because if you did anything you might regret, there would be a huge price on my head."

Okay, I don't have problems and maybe I do think about Gordo a lot, is that a crime? It's not like I killed someone so I could be with Gordo. I'm not some psycho axe-murder. Larry, yet again had good intentions, but the words came out all wrong.

"So that's what you think of me," I chuckled. "I seriously thought you would understand, I mean, you are supposed to help me and guide me. Yet again, you're looking out for me so you can save your pathetic butt. Listen, it was nice talking with you, but I'm out of here."

"Don't blame me then you're giving you your verdict," he scoffed.

I picked up my belongings and headed towards the library. Larry's words rang through my mind. I might be a tad psychotic, but I wouldn't kill anyone. Or would I?

[A/N: Okay, this chapter kind of stunk. Did you (the reader, the reviewer) think it stunk? Well, please tell me your thoughts in a review. Wow! I have almost sixty reviews! Go me! Please review with your thoughts, thank you.]


	13. Twisted

How Far?

Chapter Thirteen: Twisted

Disclaimer: I do not own Lizzie McGuire.

Warnings: This chapter involves contemplating of killing, if this bothers you, don't read.

I hate the world. I hate everything. I seriously don't know what exactly caused me to become so morbid, probably a combination of things. Matt acting weird, not having Gordo, Lanny acting weird, and not having Gordo. I had been crying since the night before in my room. My mom didn't know. My sister didn't know. Why would they care? They're too wrapped up in themselves to notice anything that doesn't involve them. It's quite lonely. It's quite sad on their point. Actually, it's both.

I wonder what it would be like if I was gone. People wouldn't notice. No one cares about me. Matt would be the prankster king if I was gone and he would be happy. Lanny would be sad for awhile, but get over it. Gordo wouldn't notice, he's never noticed me. To him I'm probably just an insignificant speck in the seas of high school. He has Lizzie, even though Lizzie is a dirty whore, he still loves her, and maybe she loves him. I don't know. Nor do I care. I really don't. I'm in so over my head that I have truly shattered in to a million pieces, I try to put myself better, but I can't, because there will be a few pieces that I'll put in the wrong place. I ran my hand across my tear stained cheek, wiping away the evidence of my breakdown. No one knows how much I hurt. No one. All the idiots go around thinking I'm some bad ass chick who has a heart made of steel, in reality, it's made of glass.  I shatter very easily. I hurt so much. I am never happy; it's all just a painful act to uphold. It's a mask over my true self. I've hidden my true self for so long that I don't even know who I am.

"Melina," I hear my mother's saccharine voice sing.

I have to sound happy. She can't know how much I'm hurting. 

"Yeah, mom," I respond happily.

"I'm going out for the night and Kelly's sleeping over at Rebecca's house, so you have the house to yourself, okay? I love you, ciao," she chirped as I heard her foot steps scamper down the stairs along with my sister's. I heard the door slam hard. The house even shook a little bit. I sighed as I looked up at my white, plain ceiling, as the Bare Naked Ladies played in the background. 

It's amazing how much I love Gordo, amazing yet sad. When I told Lanny I was in love with Gordo, he told me I wasn't in love, I just liked him. As smart as Lanny is, he just doesn't fully understand love. No one does. It's so mysterious, so fascinating, and so hurtful. It can be so sweet; yet can prick you like a thorn in a rose. It's so complicated, even the smartest person in the world wouldn't even begin to scratch the surface because of the complexity of it.

I sighed as I rolled over on my bed and got up. I went to the window to look out at the rain. It was raining so hard and so fast, almost like a monsoon. It wasn't exactly "picnic in the park" weather. Yet again what exactly is picnic weather? You can have a picnic during a thunderstorm, as long as you try to dodge lightning.

The neighborhood is so desolate. No one good lives within half a mile of my neighborhood, which is Gordo. Have I mentioned how much I love him? There are no words to describe it, I should make one up, but it wouldn't even scratch the surface. It's very twisted how it works out like that. Gordo would never love me though, he loves Lizzie. They're a match made in heaven, people say. Bullshit. There is no such thing as a match made in heaven, no one belongs together, you just find someone that makes you happy, and after you start getting really pissed at them, and you throw them out like a bag of rancid garbage. 

I got up from my kneeling position near the window and walked towards my closed door and slowly opened it. It creaked slightly. I walked out to my mom's bedroom and opened her door. The room was "pretty in pink" as my mom liked to call it. I call it truly revolting. I wasn't going in my mom's room to stare at its various pink shades and feel all feminine. There was something I wanted in her top left dresser drawer. Something that would help me get what I wanted. As vicious, malicious, and sinister as it may be thought to be, it was my special instrument to help me get what I wanted. 

I rummaged through the drawer. I found lots of letters that it was buried under as I threw them across the room. Then I found an assorted array of decorative scarves, I threw them violently as I dug deeper in the drawer. I knew it was in there somewhere. It had to be, I needed it oh so desperately. My body trembled as I laid my tired eyes on it. It's silver, shiny exterior glowed in the light. I whispered a soft thank you as I ran my fingers over its smooth, cold surface and smiled. It glimmered and shimmered in my eyes as being great. My hurt was going to be gone. I would get Gordo in the process. It's great. Noting can go wrong, nothing can. Nothing will. Heck, I'm Melina, the sneakiest person that I know. I can get away with anything and everything. I grabbed the gun and trudged down stairs. I got on my blue slicker and slid it under it. I grabbed the key on the hook and opened the door. I slowly sleuthed out of the door and locked it. 

As I started to walk outside, the hard rain ran down my face as I looked up at the sky and smiled. It was the worst possible weather on such a perfect and delightful day. It's funny how things work out that way.

[A/N: So, what is Melina going to do? Please review with your thoughts! Thank you!]


	14. Crumble

How Far?

Chapter Fourteen: Crumble

Disclaimer: I do not own Lizzie McGuire.

Warning: There is violence in this chapter, if you do not wish to read this chapter because of that, then don't.

I walked down the winding streets, while it rained harder and harder. I started rethinking what I was about to do. Was it worth it? I don't really know. Will I get caught? Well, no, because I'll be dead too. Gordo and I will be together. We may be dead, but we'll be together. I knew he was home alone today. I overheard him talking to Lizzie about his parents going to some convention. It was perfect. Nothing could go wrong, absolutely nothing. I would get rid of my problem and take away my emptiness that I have had for the longest time. 

Splash.

I got drenched by an idiot driving by in a red Volkswagen beetle. Can't you see that I'm on my way to kill someone and myself?! You think people could be more observant, but no. Some people are blind and oblivious to everything. I hate people like that. I absolutely do. Some people are so blind to something that's two inches away from them. Maybe if they opened their eyes they would see it, but no. They're just idiots. 

The rain started pouring harder and harder. Thunder boomed loudly and lightning flickered like a thousand lights. Tonight was going to be straight out one of those psychotic murder movies. Sweet, I always loved those types of movies. Yet again, that probably says a lot about me as a person. Oh well, I really don't care. Nothing mattered; except I was soon going to be dead and all of my problems were going to be gone. The situation started becoming more and more complicated. Would it hurt to die? Would it hurt Gordo? Oh god, I'm starting to crumble. Get a hold of yourself, Melina. This is the way it's going to be and it's going to happen. If you can't have Gordo, no one else will. Lizzie doesn't deserve him, Parker didn't deserve him, nor did Brooke. He's better than any of those mindless idiots. Especially Lizzie. Parker was just too stupid to realize she liked him until it was too late, and I really don't know Brooke, but she probably isn't good enough for him. Lizzie will cry and weep. Boo hoo, who gives a rat's ass about Lizzie? She's a whore. She had something good and she messed it up. She's an idiot.  

I came closer and closer to Gordo's house. I started having this weird feeling. I really couldn't describe it. I just couldn't. My body and mind felt numb with fear and confusion. I stopped in my tracks and stared at the deep cobalt sky as a shower of rain ran down my face. I could feel my salty tears run down my face as did the droplets of rain. 

Now I was at the front of Gordo's house. Standing on the porch. I stood as still as a statue. I felt my slicker to see if I could feel the gun. It was still there. Good, there was no backing down now.

Ring.

I rang the doorbell and heard footsteps come towards the door. The door creaked open and in the door way stood Gordo in an oversized tee shirt and blue plaid pajama pants.

"Melina, what are you doing here," he asked as he scratched his head in confusion.

Think Melina, think. Think of an excuse.

"I was walking around the neighborhood and it started to rain. And I really didn't want to go back home, so here I am," I chuckled nervously.

"Are you in fight with your parents," he asked raising an eyebrow.

"Parent, my dad died when I was younger," I said sadly.

"Oh, I'm sorry, come in," he said as he led me into the living room. He closed the door and sat on the black leather couch, while I sat in a white leather recliner to the side of it. I looked at Gordo, who appeared to be watching a movie. He laid silently and peacefully with a fleece blanket draped over him and a pillow under his head. I sat with my rain slicker off and it draped behind me. My wet blonde hair was up in a messy ponytail and was soaking wet. 

"What are you watching," I asked shyly.

"The Royal Tenebaums," he said sleepily. "Do you want popcorn or something?"

"Nah, I'm fine," I said awkwardly.

"Well, I'm going to get some soda, I'll be back in a few," he said as he got up.

Gordo walked into the kitchen. I fumbled around to find the gun behind the slicker. Perfect, I was going to get rid of everything once and for all. I stood up, and faced towards the kitchen, holding the shiny, metallic gun. I saw him starting to walk towards me.

"Melina, if you want you can—

He stood there in silence, with his mouth open wide. His arms collapsed at his side as the cup of soda collapsed to the floor, the soda spilled and the cup tumbled around on the floor. 

"Don't move a muscle, we have tons to talk about," I said diabolically.

He looked like a deer stuck in the middle of the road. He stared at the gun. I saw his body shake in fear.

"What's the meaning of this? Why did you come over here? To kill me," he stuttered nervously.

I chuckled, "My, my, you're a very a smart boy. But you can be so dumb sometimes. You never thought Lizzie was cheating on you. *I* knew. You never knew what pain and suffering is. *I* do. You have never wanted something so badly, that you would kill for it, *I* will."

"What are you talking about? Are you a lesbian? Do you want Lizzie," He said sarcastically.

"If you're so inquisitive, you're probably wondering if this gun has bullets," I chuckled.

I had no clue what had gone over me. It was like I split into two different Melina's. One Melina has kind and nice, while the other was evil and diabolical. I couldn't control my emotions. Stop, I kept telling myself. Stop talking, stop talking, put the gun down and get out of there before you do something you might regret. Just don't do something stupid. I couldn't, my diabolical state of mind controlled my actions. As much as I tried to put the gun down and run out, I wanted to see someone suffer like I did.

Bang.

I didn't know what I had done. I pulled the trigger and the bullet went sailing towards Gordo, but it missed him completely and hit a vase. The vase shattered into pieces, all jagged and uneven. 

"What the HELL is your problem Melina," he screamed angrily. "What are you trying to do to me? I never did anything to you."

Clear, salty tears ran down his face as his chin quivered. I looked at him as he wiped the tears from his cheeks. I wanted to stop. I had done enough by just scaring him, but the devil on my left shoulder kicked the angel that was on the right. I held the gun still towards him. 

"You have no clue how much I love you," I said as I dropped the gun on the floor.

I wanted to slap myself for being such an idiot. I told him. Why the hell did I tell him?

"What? What are you talking about," He said puzzled as he shook his head.

"Are you *blind*? Have you seen how I stare at you or try to be close to you? You're so stupid; you don't know the pain I have been through because of you. I have wanted you for so long. But, NO! You were too wrapped up in your little Lizzie problems. Oh, poor Lizzie McGuire. Let's all go cry and weep for poor Lizzie McGuire, someone who should have gotten knocked up by Ethan Craft a long time ago. No, bad things happen to *good* people like me. Yes, people who work hard in life, people who strive to get what they want, instead of being handed them on a damn platter," I snapped.

He looked puzzled and dumbfounded, trying to absorb all of what I had told him. He stared at me in disbelief of what I had told him.

"Do you seriously expect me to believe that? I mean, you come into my house appearing helpless and sad, I take you in. Then, you pull a gun on me, and almost kill me. Now you're telling that you love me," he blurted out in disbelief.

"Yes I do, because every word of it is true. You are a horrible person, Gordo, I thought maybe you would be flattered, or even consider having feelings towards me, but no, you have a worthless girlfriend who doesn't give a shit about you," I cried tearfully.

"Lizzie loves me, Lizzie loves me, sure she makes mistakes, but everyone does, some more than others," he snapped at me.

"Hmm, I'm sorry, I'm the mindless idiot who still loves his piece of shit girlfriend," I snapped back.

We were locked in a battle of wits and comebacks. One tried to outdo the other.

"If I'm a mindless idiot, then you're pretty brain dead yourself," he chuckled as locked eyes with me.

"What are you talking about," I said confused.

"Hmm, let's think. Your best guy friend likes you and you are completely and utterly oblivious to it. If that's not brain dead, I don't know what is," he said angrily.

I didn't know what to say. I looked at him coldly. Gordo must have been a great liar to make something like that up just to surpass me. He seriously must have been a cruel person to that. Maybe he wasn't lying. Lanny would have told me if he did think of me in that way, he's not one to bottle up his emotions. While Matt is one to do so. I was in over my head; I was so much that I couldn't get myself out. I looked at the gun; it was my ticket out of this mess. I picked it up an examined it.

"Melina, what are you doing," he asked anxiously.

"Goodbye, I love you Gordo," I said sadly. Before I knew it, it was all over. All over but the crying. 

[A/N: There are about five chapters I want to have before the story is officially over. Did this suck? Please tell me in a review, thank you.]


	15. Feel

How Far?

Chapter Fifteen: Feel

Notes: Now, instead of Melina's POV, it's going to be in 3rd person. 

Gordo just stood there in complete silence and astonishment. He stood in front of Melina's lifeless body which lay on the floor. He tried so hard to keep from having a panic attack right then and there. He tried to absorb everything that had just happened. Melina had come into his house, nearly missed killing him, confessed feelings for him, and shot herself, which most definitely killed her. He bent down and ran his hand down her arm and felt her smooth skin. He ran to the phone that hung on the wall and dialed a number.

"Hello? 911?"

~*~*~

Jo McGuire, Matt McGuire, and Lizzie McGuire sat in a blue van, watching the road pass by. Jo carefully steered the van as Matt listened to his CD player and Lizzie was reading "The Crucible". 

Matt was lost in the sounds of the guitars and male singers as he stared out the window. He had been deep in thought of what he was going to do. He wanted to surprise Melina by bringing over some of her favorite movies, which consisted of "Cocktail", "Punch Drunk Love", "XXX", and "Chicago". He knew Melina had been depressed the last few days and wanted to make her feel better. 

Lizzie, on the other hand, wanted to try and mend things up with Gordo. She was going to lie to him, telling him that she wasn't seeing Ethan anymore. 

"Mom, can we go to McDonald's? I want to get Melina some chicken mcnuggets. She loves those things," Matt asked his mother.

"Ooh! And I can get Gordo some fries," Lizzie squealed happily.

"Fine, Fine," she chuckled. "As long as I can get myself a McFlurry."

~*~

"And that's what really happened," an African American police officer asked as he cocked an eyebrow at Gordo.

"Yes, sir," he sighed. "I swear that it's the truth. My parents only own one gun, and that's a stun gun, for self defense, in case of a break in."

"Uh huh, I see young man. I'm really sorry about this. Do you know anything about her parents?"

"Her dad died when she was younger and she has a sister named Kelly. My friend Miranda, has a friend named, Parker, used to baby-sit her sister. I'm sorry I don't know anymore sir."

The man shook his head and muttered something as he went over to the television and watched it for a minute.

"The Royal Tenebaums, huh? My favorite movie of all time. I loved the collaboration between Wes Anderson and Owen Wilson," he smiled.

"I personally liked Bottle Rocket, which inspired me to watch this," he chuckled.

Gordo nodded at the man and looked down at the floor where Melina's body once was a short time ago. The scene of her shooting herself flashed before his eyes again and again. As much as he tried to clear that horrifying image out of his memory, he just couldn't, it was burned in his brain. 

"Are you okay, kid," the officer said as he looked at Gordo who had a horrified look on his face.

"What's your definition of okay," he said as he stomped off towards his room.

~*~

Matt took a sip of his soda as he switched his Simple Plan CD with his Bowling for Soup one. He smiled that in a few minutes he was going to Melina's house to try and cheer her up. 

"If you were me then you'd be screaming someone shoot me, as I fell miserably, trying to get the girl all the bad boys want," he sang along to the rock song. Besides watching movies, he was also going to ask Melina to homecoming. His face gleamed with happiness.

Lizzie stared out the windows and caught sight of the flashes of red and blue flashing lights in the distance. Her heart skipped a beat and her mind only focused on one thing. Gordo. What if something had happened to Gordo? She would lose the one person who even cared about her. Ethan didn't care about her. Ethan cared about getting laid. She gritted her teeth and sighed angrily at herself for being such an idiot for even thinking of the idea of cheating on Gordo. Sometimes, you just *don't* think. 

"Um, honey, aren't those flashing lights near Gordo's house," Jo asked worried.

"Y-yeah, I think they are," Lizzie said nervously as she twirled her hair nervously around her finger.

"Who cares," Matt asked sarcastically. "I have more important things to worry about!"

"Kids," Jo sighed. "Please stop fighting. Matt, you're going to get to Melina's house eventually and Lizzie, stop making a mountain out of a mole hill."

The kids sighed and looked out separate windows. The funny thing about it was that Lizzie wasn't making a mountain out of a molehill.

~*~

Gordo sat on his bed with his head in his hands, thinking about what he had done. Guilt consumed his body as he curled up in a ball and stared at the plain white wall. His parents would find out eventually about the whole thing and talk about death and guilt and lots of psycho babble bull shit. 

He remembered the look in Melina's eyes. Her face gave off an angry expression, while her eyes looked very different. Her eyes were filled with hurt and loneliness and a cry for help. His hands started shaking and his stomach was tied in many knots. He told himself to get a grip. The words weren't soothing like a mother's warm touch; they just made him feel even worse. He had always had a clean conscience when he was younger, even if he lied about not eating his vegetables or anything very minute, he would feel so guilty. The difference was, eating your vegetables wasn't really that life shattering, but knowing that maybe he could have taken the gun away from Melina or prevented her death in any other way; he would have done that in a split second. 

Maybe no one could have prevented it, except for Melina. Gordo didn't know she wasn't wrapped too tight, in fact he didn't really know her that much. Yeah, she was his girlfriend's brother's best friend, but that's like saying that Adam Sandler is your brother's professor's wife's second cousin. You know *of* them, but you really don't know them. Sure, he had said they were mutual friends, but he wanted to make her feel important. He knew that when he was a freshman, the best thing was to have a connection with an upperclassman. 

"Maybe I shouldn't be so nice anymore," he mumbled to himself.

Ring.

Gordo heard the doorbell ring and got up clumsily and stretched. He walked tiredly towards the door and opened it up.

He saw Lizzie, Matt, and Jo standing on the porch, drenched in rain. The vision of Melina standing sadly and wet in the doorway flickered into his mind. 

"Gordo, are you okay, we saw flashing lights and we were wondering if you were alright," Jo said nervously.

"Can we hurry up here? I want to go to Melina's," Matt exclaimed impatiently.

Gordo put his hand against his face and looked away from the McGuire's. 

"You better sit down," he sighed.

Lizzie and Jo scurried over to the couch while Matt sat in the black leather chair. They all looked Gordo as if he were the most interesting person in the world.

He sighed, "This is going to sound unbelievable, but here it is anyway. Melina came to my house, saying that she got into a fight with her mom, so I let her in. At the time I was watching a movie, and I went up to get a drink. The next thing I know, Melina's standing there pointing a gun at me and she ends up shooting a vase. She then proceeded to tell me that she was in love with me, and then she started going on about something. Then, she picked up the gun that she had dropped and shot herself. According to the paramedics she died from the self inflicted wound to the head."

Matt's face had no expression. He tried to absorb everything from Melina being dead to Melina being in love with Gordo. The name stung his tongue when he said it. If Gordo wasn't alive, Melina wouldn't be in love him and she'd be alive. He blamed Gordo. Everyone just loved Gordo. His sister loved him, along with Melina and other girls. Gordo was great. Gordo could do no wrong. Gordo was perfect, especially to Melina.

Lizzie looked at her hands and sighed. She felt sorry for Gordo. She kind of figured Melina would go psycho, but she didn't expect her to go psycho on Gordo.

"Is there anything we can do to help," Jo asked sympathetically.

"Yeah, go to hell and rot," Matt said scornfully as he walked towards the door. 

"Matt," Jo reprehended.

"I'm sorry mom, how would you feel if your best friend got murdered and was in love with her murderer," he asked sarcastically.

"Matt, Melina committed suicide, it's not like Gordo told her to go shoot herself or even pull the trigger. It just happened. It's no one's fault," Lizzie defended.

"If Gordo wasn't alive, my best friend would be. Isn't it strange how things can work out like that," Matt said as he turned the doorknob. "I'll be in the car."

Matt slammed the door angrily as Gordo, Lizzie, and Jo stared at the door. 

"Gordo, I'm really sorry, he's just lying," Jo reassured him.

"He's right though, if I wasn't alive, Melina would be," he trailed off.

"Gordo—

Lizzie was cut off by his words, "Can you just do me a favor and go? I need to deal with this by myself."

Lizzie held out the McDonald's bag, "We brought you food. If you want, you can have Melina's. They're chicken McNuggets."

"I'm not hungry. If you want to help, just leave me alone," He said madly.

"C'mon honey, let's go," Jo said as she laid a hand on her daughter's shoulder.

"Mom-

"He needs to be alone," she said as she opened the door.

They walked out together and Gordo closed the door. 

He looked up at the ceiling and sighed, "Why couldn't I have not been born?"

[A/N: Did you like this? Is it still okay with the third person POV? Tell me your thoughts in a review, thank you.]


	16. Illusion

How Far?

Chapter Sixteen: Illusion

Disclaimer: I do not own Lizzie McGuire.

Matt lay curled up in a ball on his bed. He tried to absorb everything that day that had been said to him. He was overwhelmed with pain as salty tears ran down his cheek. It felt like his head was spinning out of control. He was so confused. Everything that Gordo had said was a hard blow to his mind. He didn't know what to think or feel, except pain. He hurt because Melina killed herself. He hurt because Melina loved Gordo. He hurt because he was confused and lost.

Why did this have to happen? Everything seemed to be going so smoothly between Matt, Lanny, and Melina. Sure, they didn't spend as much time together as they did during Junior High, but that change was kind of expected when you go to high school. The three of them were taking different courses and levels of their courses. Matt took accelerated Drawing and Painting, while Melina took Studio in Electronic Arts, and Lanny took Symphonic band. The only time really that they got to spend time together as a trio was during lunch, but Melina had been drifting away from the three. She kind of isolated herself from them. Matt and Lanny had become closer as Melina seemed to drift away. She was more hostile than she had been and she really didn't talk much anymore, but she didn't seem depressed.

"Yeah, things aren't always what they seem," Matt mumbled to himself.

Melina had turned into an illusion. At times she _seemed like she was her old, cynical self. At times she _seemed_ to be a different person. Matt didn't know what to believe anymore. The only thing he could wrap his mind around was that Melina was __dead. Melina had been cut out the picture. _

A flood of thoughts came into his mind. Did Melina want to die? Why did she want to die? Was she so stupid that if she didn't have Gordo that she thought life wasn't worth living? Did anyone know about her obsession? Why didn't he know about it? Did Melina not trust him with something like that?

All of these questions and thoughts flooded his mind. All of the questions he couldn't answer. Only Melina could answer them. Only Melina would know the answers to the questions he needed to find the answers to. He wanted so desperately to _know_ Melina again. This year he felt like he didn't know Melina. She was so mercurial. He never knew what her reaction would be to anything someone might say. One minute she might be Miss Mary Sunshine and the next she might lash out on him for god knows that reason. 

Knock.

Matt heard a knock at the door and asked, "Who is it?"

"Lanny is here," Lizzie called from the other side of the door. 

"Let him in," he said in a monotone voice.

The door creaked open slightly and in came Lanny who had a sad expression on his face. He walked over to Matt's bed and sat down next to him Matt, who was still curled up in a fetal position.

"How did you find out," Matt asked.

Lanny looked at Matt. Matt knew exactly what Lanny was trying to say.

"Oh," Matt said sadly. "I know this is going to sound odd, but, did you know about her crush on him."

Lanny looked down at his feet, while Matt who currently looked like death warmed over, eyed him angrily.

"Answer the damn question, Lanny," he yelled furiously.

Lanny's eyes met Matt's after an awkward silence. Lanny then nodded, and Matt's eyes narrowed and his fist clenched.

"Why didn't you tell me?! You knew how I felt about her! You were the only one who knew! I thought the three of us told each other everything! In case you didn't know Lanny, it's called friendship! The funny thing about it is you're supposed to be able to tell each other _everything_! _Everything! Everyone has turned against me. What did I ever do to any of you, besides being there for you guys? If you guys needed a shoulder to cry on, I was there! If you guys needed an ear to listen to your problems, I was there! I would have done anything and everything for you guys. I had your backs. Neither of you had mine," Matt's words started out angry, but they began to become sad and serious. _

Lanny looked at Matt and shrugged. Matt's eyes weren't narrowed anymore and his fist became unclenched. He looked embarrassed.

"Oh. I guess I'm a hypocrite. Why did this happen, Lanny? Why," he asked confused.

Lanny looked at his feet and shrugged. He looked into Matt's eyes and put his hand on his shoulder.

"I know we didn't do anything to make her kill herself, but we didn't anything to stop it," he said tearfully. "I wanted to ask her to homecoming. I wanted to dance with her. Now, the only thing I want is for her to come back and tell us we're idiots."

He put his head on his pillow and cried into the pillow. Matt's cries were muffled by the pillow and Lanny looked at Matt sadly and sighed. He left his best friend who was now an emotional mess and left. None of them had exactly been the best friend they could have. Maybe, it was all of their faults or no one's fault at all. No one really knew anything at all, except Melina was dead, and it was as plain as day. And as much as Matt, Lanny, and anyone else wanted to change it, they were all helpless, and they all hated feeling helpless.

[A/N: I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. I've been home sick for two days and have been working on this and other various things. It's a shame really that I'm home sick, but I've had time to work on this, so I guess it's all good. Please review with your thoughts, thank you.]

  
  



	17. Differences

How Far?

Chapter Seventeen: Differences

Disclaimer: I do not own Lizzie McGuire.

Note: There is a scene from "Lizzie's eleven" in this chapter; it may not be word for word because I haven't seen the episode in awhile.

On Sunday, Gordo sat in his room listening to the rhythmic guitars and beating drums of 80's hair bands boomed from the speakers of the speakers of his stereo. His head beat rhythmically to the sounds of Skid Row's "I remember you." His parents had given him a two hour lecture on how love can influence someone to do something as drastic as suicide and that Melina was probably a basket case to begin with. 

All though his parents' words were meant to give him a false sense of security, he just felt worse. If Melina was supposedly a basket case to begin with, then he pushed her over the edge. If Melina was perfectly sane, he still pushed her over the edge, but to a greater extent. No matter how they put it, he would still feel guilty, and Matt wasn't making it any better. 

Last night while he was on the phone with Lizzie, who had called him to see how he was doing, Matt had picked up the phone in his room and yelled at Gordo. His exact words were, "I wish you hadn't been born! Then Melina wouldn't have loved you and killed herself! If anything she would have loved me and killed herself for me, but no, she had to love you, the person I look up to, the person who I hope to be my brother-in-law someday, the person who I would have given anything to be because Melina loved you, not me."

Gordo was never faced with the problem on how not to get a girl to like him or love him. In every case it was always the opposite. He helped Brooke with her studies to get her to notice him. He wore cowboy boots to appear taller for Parker. He tried everything in the book to get Lizzie to notice him. He helped her try to woo Ethan. He was a complete jerk during the murder mystery to impress her. He pushed Larry into the fountain during the Rome trip to get her to notice him, even though all she did was yell at him and ask Larry if he was okay. It was actually staged though; Gordo paid Larry to let him push him into the fountain, Larry agreed because at the time George Lucas had a book coming out that Larry wanted, but he had blown all his money on the _Lord of the Rings DVD with hours and hours of commentary._

All Gordo had done, didn't even amount to what Melina had done the day before. Gordo couldn't wrap his mind around the fact that Melina killed herself for him. Melina never seemed to be one to give a shit about Gordo. All he thought he was to her was another worthless body to talk to. He thought of it this way, he didn't like Ethan Craft that much, but he still talked to him. He thought it was the same situation with how Melina was with him. He never thought in a million years that Melina would have a full blown "Lifetime movie of the week" obsession with him. 

He heard a knock at the door and he jumped because he had been in a zombie mode for the past two days.

"David," he heard his mother call.

"Yeah," he asked in a monotone voice.

"There's someone here to see you," she sang sweetly.

The door creaked open to reveal Miranda at the other side. He glared at her and went over to his stereo to turn it off.

"Hey," she said awkwardly. "How are you doing?"

"Fine, considering Melina shot herself because of me in the middle of my living room," he snapped sarcastically.

Miranda sat down on his bed as he sat in his computer chair. There was a tension between the two because it seemed like the only time they were going to have a serious, friendly conversation would be after something devastating happened.

"How did you find out," he asked not looking at her.

"Well, Matt called me in the middle of the night and told me the whole thing. He started to scream and yell at me to do something because he felt so helpless," she sighed.

"Oh," he said coldly.

"Just an 'oh'? Gordo, Matt is most likely on the verge of an emotional breakdown and all you can say is 'oh'! Do you even give a shit," she screamed angrily. Gordo felt his blood boil with anger. He had never gotten this way with Miranda. All of these buried feelings and emotions were coming out because of Melina's death.

"What about me? Melina killed herself right in front of my eyes because of _me_! No one ever considers my feelings, I'm always an afterthought. Matt hates me, Lizzie is a two timing slut, you're taking Matt's side, and Melina is _dead! Does your valley girl brain need me to spell it out for you?! D-E-A-D spells dead! This is what Melina is because she killed herself because of me," he screamed furiously. Miranda glared at him. She looked like she wanted to strangle him._

"Valley girl? I'm the valley girl? I'm sorry, I'm not the idiot getting screwed over by Lizzie McGuire the slut," she mocked.

"Get out of my room, get out of my house! Don't ever speak to me again," he yelled as he stood up and pointed towards the door. Miranda stormed out, slamming the door behind her. 

"What the hell is my problem," he asked himself with a sigh.

~*~*~

Matt sat sprawled out of the couch staring blankly at the ceiling. He looked like he was sleeping with his eyes open. He hadn't gotten a wink of sleep the night before and had dark circles under his eyes. 

"Matt, honey, want to beat me at some video games? You always get a kick out of that," Jo chuckled weakly as her son was still in his blank state.

A flood of memories came to him. The first time that Melina had come over his house and ruined his father's lawn gnome, they played video games on his new Playstation. He heard his father scream about how hard he was working on the gnome. He saw Melina's sinister smile on her face and tried to get Melina out of his mind.

"Nah, how many dots are there on the ceiling," he asked in a monotone voice. He was completely blank with emotion. His face held no emotion. His voice held no emotion, but if you looked deep enough into his brown eyes, you saw confusion, hurt, and loneliness.

"I don't know, why don't you count them," she asked shyly with a smile.

"Lanny counted them, there are 218,978 dots."

"Oh," she chuckled nervously. "That's a lot of dots. Want to play black jack?"

_Monte Carlo__ night 2003_

_"High on the hill was a lonely goatherd," Melina said as Gordo stood on bottom of the stair case._

_"Give me the key" he demanded._

_"You give us the counter sign," Matt said with a slight chuckle._

_"There is no way I'm giving you the counter sign!"_

_"No counter sign, no key," Melina said diabolically._

_"Fine," he sighed._

_"High on the hill was a lonely goatherd."_

_"Yo-de-lay-de, yo-de-lay-de, yo-de-lay-de-hoo!"_

_They both started laughing as the proceeded towards Gordo._

_"It was so worth it," Melina said between fits of laughter._

"No blackjack," he said still occupied with the ceiling.

"Tell me if you need anything," she said as she walked away to go upstairs.

"How about a new life," he mocked sarcastically as a tear trickled down his cheek.

[A/N: Blah, I have pneumonia. Bad news for me, but good news for you guys, you'll probably get lots of updates today on my stories. Please review with your thoughts, thank you.]


	18. Unity

How Far?

Chapter Eighteen: Unity

Disclaimer: I do not own Lizzie McGuire.

"I feel like such a whore in this outfit," Rita St. Claire sighed as she got out of her friend Taylor Campbell's sister's jeep. "Remind me _why_ I wore this," Rita complained about her pink shirt with a scarf like neck and a keyhole front and her denim studded jeans.

Taylor rolled her eyes at her friend's complaining and ignorance, "Look, I'm only trying to help you get a date for homecoming this Friday. You want to go with Matt McGuire and he _will_ notice you."

"What if he's going with Melina," Rita asked as they walked towards the school steps.

"Well, if they are going they're probably going as just friends. Melina will understand and she won't even care, she's obsessed with that senior, David, anyways," Taylor assured her friend.

The two were completely oblivious to the fact that the third member of their trio was dead. They were up in Monterey for the field hockey semi-finals. They had always put field hockey before everything because field hockey was their lives.

"I still can not believe she didn't try out," Rita pointed out as they walked towards the steps of the school. 

"Everyone is all cluster-like, well the freshmen anyway, hmm maybe they're forming a plan to kidnap Mr. Pinker," Taylor chuckled sinisterly.

As the two proceeded towards the steps, Matt came up to them. It was a surprise that he even came to school two days after the death of his best friend that weekend.

"So, how are you guys taking the news," Matt said solemnly.

The two friends stood there looking at each other in confusion. They had no clue what possibly Matt was talking about or implying.

"Hi Matt," Rita squealed flirtatiously.

"You guys don't even care that Melina is dead," Matt asked bitterly.

Rita and Taylor felt like a pile of bricks hit them in the head. Rita's only concern for the day was trying to flirt with Matt and try to get him to be her date for homecoming. Taylor's only concern for the day was a possible pop quiz in Algebra.

"M-Melina is dead," Taylor asked in disbelief.

"Yes dumb and dumber, she is. If you were her real friends you would have known," he snapped sarcastically at the two girls who just stood there like mindless yuppies.

Taylor sighed, "How did she die?"

A tear trickled down Matt's cheek, "She killed herself because Gordo didn't love her. She probably thought life wasn't living because of that. I hate him! That bastard practically killed her."

"Holy shit," was all Rita could say. "Matt, I'm sorry."

"Thanks I guess," he said as he shook his. "I got to go."

Matt scampered off, leaving Rita and Taylor in dismay.

"What just happened," Rita asked as she looked up at Taylor.

"I honestly don't know," she said as they walked inside the school.

~*~

Larry Tudgeman sat in Mr. Smith's homeroom with his head. It had been a long night. He was tossing and turning with a lot on his mind. He was always an anxious guy who probably over analyzed anything and everything. It was his nature to do that and he just didn't know why.

Gordo then walked into the homeroom with dark circles under his eyes and his curly hair in a mess. His face was pale and his eyes were tired. He sat down at a desk and started to doze off.

The public address system screeched. On came the voice of Principal Reynolds.

"Good morning students of Hill Ridge High. Today is Monday, October 9th 2006 and today is an "A" day. Normally on Mondays, I tell you guys jokes about my ex-wives and how I could be a Ben Stiller clone to wake you guys up. Unfortunately I can't be funny because of something that happened this weekend."

There was a pause and all of the students who were actually listening to the announcements became more alert then they were. Gordo knew exactly what Principal Reynolds was about to talk about, while Larry was completely oblivious and was still divulged in his thoughts.

"This weekend we lost a student. The student committed suicide on Saturday, October 7th, 2006. This student was someone I knew somewhat personally. She complained when I was telling her my jokes and being my giddy self. I knew there was great potential in this student because of her determination. A freshman, named Melina Bianco shot herself on Saturday."

Gordo looked up at the ceiling in desperation. Why did everyone want to torture him? Did they all want to make him guilty and feel like he wanted to dig a hole and bury himself in it until this all blew over?

Larry looked somewhat shocked. He had always thought Melina would do something like this, but he didn't know when. He didn't know it would be so soon. His emotions were mixed; part of him blamed himself while the other part blamed no one. As knowledgeable as he was, he didn't know about love or anguish, he only listened to it and nodded his head and offered soothing comments that he hoped would work. He knew how to offer false hope.

Principal Reynolds' voice trailed on, "There will be an assembly first period today. You will see a side of me you never knew existed. Have a nice day."

Larry tapped Gordo on the shoulder. Gordo turned around; he looked like he was stoned.

"Gordo, do you know any dirt about this," Larry asked.

Gordo scoffed, "Yeah, I know lots of dirt."

The bell rang. Gordo and Larry got up from their seats as a whole bunch of students lined the hallways.

"So, how do you know," Larry asked curiously.

"I was there," Gordo replied coldly.

~*~

The students filed into the auditorium. Even though a death had happened over the weekend and most of them didn't know who Melina was, they were most likely happy that she did herself in because they got first period off. Someone might have missed the rope climb in gym class or a biology exam and that's what was on there minds, not the _real _reason they were all gathered there.

Matt sat next to Lanny in the front. Gordo sat in the back corner, trying to get away from it all. Taylor and Rita sat in the middle among the confused freshman. Lizzie sat with her lemmings, Caitlin and Ashley. Miranda didn't care who she was sitting next to, along as it wasn't Lizzie or Gordo. Larry sat next to Parker whose head was currently resting on his shoulder as she dozed off.

Principal Reynolds grabbed the hand held microphone and went on stage.

"Students, rise and shine! I don't care _how tired you are from last night's raging party because you're all going to listen to me whether you like it or not," he snapped angrily._

"Dude, who cares? Some psycho killed themselves, big whoop," a random student yelled from the back with a snicker.

"Guess what? You're going to listen and you are going to be stunned as you see my goofy side go into the closet."

There was a silence that overcame the auditorium. The upperclassmen who had been punished by him in the past when they were measly freshmen were dumbfounded by the way their loveable principal was acting.

"According to a Canadian study done in 1999, teen suicide is the second leading cause of death in teens. Now, you may be thinking 'Oh, who cares about Canada?' Well, Canada is our neighbor to the North and they are pretty similar to us, they aren't aliens from some Sci-Fi movie. Teenagers are reverting to suicide to take their problems away. Prodigies are lost, family members are lost, friends are lost, significant others are lost, and it's something that is preventable. You may feel locked up in a cage with nowhere to turn. You may feel as though there is no way out of your problems that choke you. You may feel lonely or lost or scared, but that is no reason to take your life."

Principal Reynolds paused and looked across the auditorium for reactions. Most of the students were sitting in their seats attentively.

"Miss Bianco was one of my favorite students I've ever seen. She was determined and she had a mind of her own. She questioned everything I said and made me question everything I said, yet she became a statistic. I may sound like a walking billboard but I don't want to be up here ever again. I know you guys got to get out of classes and what not, but you would be crying if it was your best friend. You would be crying if it was your brother, sister, girlfriend, boyfriend, or team mate. Just because it doesn't affect you, doesn't mean it doesn't affect others. I am honestly sorry for the loss of Melina Bianco. My heart goes out to people who were close to her and knew her. This was a terrible tragedy that I wish that it didn't happen, but it did."

With that Principal Reynolds walked off the stage of the auditorium and the students sat there in awe. Gordo felt worse than he had before, Matt looked like he was going to explode with emotion, Miranda's face was solemn, Larry just shook his head and looked at Parker who was still asleep on his shoulder, and Lizzie sighed. Larry looked at Parker who was resting on his shoulder and looked over at Matt. He wished that Melina was resting on Matt's shoulder and that Principal Reynolds was talking about someone else or not even talking about anyone at all.

[A/N: Hmmm, did you like this chapter? Was it bad or good? Please review with your thoughts; you'll probably only going to be that four more times.]


	19. Remember

How Far?

Chapter Nineteen: Remember

Disclaimer: I do not own Lizzie McGuire.

Matt sat in the shed which was now his studio. It had been three days since Principal Reynolds' speech. He looked a Tuesday's paper and turned to the Region section. He skimmed down the list of obituaries to see Melina's right in front of his face. It was set in stone, Melina was dead. He skimmed through her obituary.

_Melina S. Bianco_

_Hill Ridge- Melina S. Bianco, 14, died on __Saturday October 7th 2006__. She was born in Baker, __Oregon__ before moving to Hill Ridge at age five, just one year after the death of her dad, Carter Bianco. From age five on, Melina went to Hill Ridge Elementary, then progressing to Hill Ridge Junior High, and then to her freshman year in __Hill__Ridge__High School__. She was the Goalie of the Hill Ridge Vikings' field hockey team from seventh to eight grade. She is probably best known through the town of __Hill Ridge__ for getting third place in a state wide spelling bee at the age of 12._

_Her survivors include her sister Kelly and her mother, Natalie Bianco-Cox. Funeral Services will be held on Saturday, October 14h at __4:00 pm__ at the _Berkley___ Funeral home on __Dobson Street__ in Hill Ridge. Contributions in the memory of Melina Bianco may be made to the Hill Ridge chapter of SADD at __172 Terrance Boulevard__ or by calling 290-3521._

Matt took a pair of scissors and cut Melina's obituary out of the paper, took a thumb tack, and pinned it to the wall. He then took out a large piece of paper and a 2B drawing pencil and started to draw.

His creativity had kept him sane during this whole ordeal. He had locked himself in the shed which he had made into a studio a year back. The drawing took away his stress and helped him express himself.

He picked up the pencil and made soft curvy lines across the paper. The lines came together to form a picture, which looked like an angel wing. The pencil lines were closer together in some areas which created vast detail. The soft tips of the wings were softly sketched. As soon as he finished the wings, he started to draw a long, flowing dress. The dress seemed to flow in the wind, and had a few wrinkles in it, as Matt showed using shading. The dress seemed to be flowing in the wind. The body of what appeared to be an angel started to form. 

He looked at the picture and tore it up into tiny pieces. He kept tearing it and tearing it until it was too shredded to be pieced back together. He wanted to forget about Melina. He wanted to forget about meeting her. He wanted to forget about knowing her. He wanted to forget every thought that involved her or caused him to think of her. He sat staring at the Obituary. Everything was real. Melina was dead. Maybe now he could forget that she ever lived because she was dead. 

Forgetting was something he could do well, without thinking about it. He forgot about his homework, he forgot about what his privileges were when he was by himself, and he forgot when not to bug Lizzie. It was an involuntary thing for him. As hard as he tried though, he couldn't forget about Melina. Melina was one of those people that even if you met her once, you wouldn't forget her. It was like if you got black acrylic on your white shirt in art class, as many times as you tried to get it out of your shirt, it would still be there.

Matt sat there rummaging through a box. There were some old charcoal pencils, pencil shavings, old paint brushes, and a big white binder. He picked up the binder and brushed the pencil shavings off of it. He then opened it up. It was a photo album from elementary school. Matt was always interested in photography, but Melina had always loved it more. To her a picture was worth a thousand words. He remembered the time where he made a bet with her to see if she could write one thousand words about a photograph, and she succeeded. He didn't even remember what the photo was about.

He opened to the page with pictures of the sixth grade field trip, the one where he and Lanny had missed the bus. Melina had traded some of the pictures she had taken with the ones that Matt had taken while he was with Lanny. Matt and Melina weren't speaking during that trip because he told everyone on the bus about her crush on Andrew Kingsley, who had been on the other bus with his homeroom. While they were at the museum she got revenge on Matt and Lanny (who didn't even have anything to do with the fight) and told them that the bus was leaving at 1:45, instead of 1:30, due to their teacher's request. Matt and Lanny took the bait and were left stranded at the museum. The next day after getting yelled at by their principal, Matt and Lanny apologized to Melina. Melina accepted the apology and they were on their merry way.

He heard a knock at the shed door and stuffed everything into the box and kicked it underneath the desk he was sitting at.

"Matt, are you there," a female voice called from the other side of the door.

"Yeah, who is it," he asked grimly.

"It's Taylor Campbell," the voice replied.

"Come in," he said in a monotone voice.

The door opened with a creak and Taylor stepped in and looked around in awe.

"So, why are you here," Matt asked snidely.

She sighed, "I wanted to see how you're doing. Everyone at school is worried about you."

"That's nice," he replied sarcastically.

"So," she asked out of curiosity. "Is this your studio?" 

"I guess you could say that."

"So, are you going to homecoming tomorrow," she asked.

"No," he responded without hesitation.

"Matt—."

She was cut off by Matt, "Listen, I'd like to be alone, so just go."

"Jeez, I'm just trying to be nice. Just because I'm not Melina, doesn't mean you can worship the ground she walked on, while you spit in everyone else's faces," she snapped.

Matt responded, "Okay, burn this into your brain. My best friend is dead!"

"Okay, she was _my_ friend too and I'm not falling over myself while I'm grieving. You just need to calm down, Matt. You're pointing fingers at that David guy while he was just an innocent bystander."

"Taylor, she killed herself _because_ of him! He could have stopped her," he cried.

"Listen, he didn't know this was going to happen, no one did. Everyone is sad and you're being this little drama queen about it. So basically, get whatever is stuck up your ass out, so we can move on," she sighed.

"Leave me the hell alone," he screeched.

"Thanks for the offer," she said as she exited the shed and slammed the door.

Matt knew lots of people hated him for being so bitter, but he couldn't help it. Maybe this is what Melina felt like, bitter and lonely without anyone trying to understand how she felt. Maybe being ignored made her feel bitter. Maybe no one understanding her made feel bitter. Maybe not being loved made her bitter. He wanted to know why she killed herself, but all his mind could do was put the blame on someone else, that person being Gordo.

[A/N: So, what did you think? Good or bad? Please review with your thoughts, thank you.]


	20. immortal

How Far?  
  
Chapter Twenty: Immortal  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Lizzie McGuire  
  
A/N: Due to the fact that I haven't been to a funeral since I was five, I don't exactly know what happens at a funeral, so please bear with me.  
  
Matt looked out the car window at the sky which now looked like fire because of the sunset. He adjusted his black tie and fixed the sleeves of his black suit. He had never imagined that he would be going to Melina's funeral so soon, he thought when he did he would have been dead already. On the other side of the car was Lizzie who had her head against the window and looked out her window with sad eyes. She never liked funerals, not that anyone really does, but they always made her think about what would happen when she died. Would people come and be crying or would they not even show their faces?  
  
The van pulled into the funeral home parking lot and the McGuire family exited the van. Jo looked at Matt who had been depressed because of his friend's death. He had spent most of his time in his studio in the shed and hadn't talked to anyone really.  
  
Jo looked at Lizzie, "Lizzie, um you go inside and find us some seats." Lizzie nodded and walked towards the door as she tried to make her black knee length skirt appear longer.  
  
Jo and Sam then turned to Matt who stood there as still as a statue, "Matt, we just wanted to tell you how sorry we are that Melina.died. We just want to tell you that you've been being really strong during this whole ordeal and we want to commend you on your maturity."  
  
Matt scoffed. Could his parents be any cornier? They talked like they were psychiatrists, had they talked to the Gordon's lately?  
  
Matt walked inside as Jo and Sam followed him from behind and examined their son. Besides being in mourning, he was absolutely heart broken. As much as Sam and Jo tried to understand their son's pain, but unfortunately they couldn't. Matt had always been one to hide his feelings away and never express them, he had always been one to put all of his feelings into a jar and never open up the jar.  
  
They all sat down where Lizzie had been saving the seats for them. In front of the room was a burgundy casket with flowers on top of it. Natalie Bianco- Cox and her daughter Kelly sat in the front. Their crystal blue eyes were dripping with salty tears down their face. Their hair was in ringlets that were pulled up in a ponytail and two ringlets framed their oval shaped faces. They looked like weeping angels.  
  
Gordo sat in the back corner of the funeral home. He tried to hide himself among the nameless faces who knew that he was the reason everyone was their bawling their eyes out. He was the reason Melina killed herself. He didn't know why Melina would like or even love him. He always thought Melina liked the bad boys who were the class clowns, like Matt. Gordo sighed. It was another thing to put on his list of things he didn't know. The more he examined himself emotionally, the more confused he got. His bluish gray eyes were the window to his soul. If you looked into them you saw all of his guilt and pain. The only person he had talked to besides his parents, was Larry. Which probably wasn't the smartest choice because all his parents and Larry did was psychoanalyze him. He hated it. He absolutely hated it.  
  
Lanny Onasis and his parents Shelly and Carl walked into the funeral home and spotted the McGuire's and sat in the same row that they were in. They exchanged greetings and were then quiet. Shelly Onasis owned a catering company on Fredrick Street and Carl was a veterinarian and often volunteered at the animal shelter near 3rd avenue. His parents had met in high school after Shelly and Carl danced together in gym class during the dance unit. They were paired up at random and was the best couple there.  
  
A few minutes later, Larry, Miranda, and Parker shuffled into the building. No one really understood why Parker had come with Larry and Miranda. They all figured she was being nice, which no one could understand that either. It was very "Parker-like" to do something as paying her respects to someone she only knew of, everyone else just thought she was weird.  
  
A bald man who appeared to be in his fifties stood up at the podium in front, "We are gathered here today to mourn the loss of Melina Bianco. She killed herself on October 7th, 2006. She was only fourteen years old." The man shuffled nervously and looked at Natalie who nodded and stepped up to the podium as the bald man sat down.  
  
Natalie looked out at everyone and began to speak, "Melina was the feistiest person I have ever met in my life. She was very determined to get whatever she wanted when she wanted it. She never gave up.until last week. It makes me wonder, why did she give up? Why," her voice trailed off and became choked with tears and they streamed down her face. She ran off of the podium and retreated to her seat next to her daughter and cried. Kelly rubbed her mother's back in an attempt to make her feel better and started to cry as well.  
  
A moment later, Kelly walked to the back and whispered something in Gordo's ear. Gordo shook his head, but Kelly looked at him and he decided to go up to the podium. He looked out at everyone.  
  
"I've known Melina since she was in about fifth or sixth grade; she was friends with Matt McGuire, which is my friend, Lizzie's, little brother. The chemistry between Matt and Melina was something that amused me. They were so competitive and I always thought they would end up together, that won't happen. I never thought that Melina would even like me. Let's face facts, I'm no stud. I never expected it either. Never could have seen it coming. Everyone in this room probably hates me. I know of one or two who do. I never wanted Melina to kill herself; I never did anything to provoke her to do it. Yet, I didn't do anything to stop it. Everyone in this room is going to move on and she'll just become a distant memory stuck in the back of your mind along with past beaus. But people like me, Ms. Bianco, Kelly, Matt, Lanny, and anyone else who were extremely close to Melina will have to live with this for the rest of our lives. Not only do I feel immensely guilty for not doing anything to stop, I wonder how it would have been like to be in Melina's situation. I have before. As corny as it sounds, I was in love with one of my best friends who was too blind to see that I did have feelings for her. I mused over her; I would have done anything to even have any kind of romantic relationship with her. That's all in the past though. Melina, wherever you are, we all miss you and we all love you," he stepped from the podium and a smile beamed from Matt's face, the first smile that he had smiled for almost a week had been caused by the person he hated so much for taking the thing that he loved so dearly away.  
  
Matt smiled at the fact that Gordo was guilty; all of his blaming him actually was worth something as bad as it sounded.  
  
Yet again, Matt could have always told Melina his feelings for her. Maybe it would have been different and they would have been happy together. No, he thought. You didn't do anything wrong, everything is all Gordo's fault. If he wasn't alive, Melina wouldn't have killed herself. Now, he couldn't give a eulogy. He couldn't bring himself to. As much as he wanted to tell everyone about he felt about Melina, he couldn't bring himself too. All of his feelings had to be bottled up inside of him. On the inside he was hurt and crying all of the time, but on the outside he was happy and vibrant. Everyone had to think there was nothing wrong with Matt; he didn't want people pestering him about being depressed.  
  
Eulogy after eulogy was said. Many people that Matt didn't know came up to the podium and spoke about Melina. Most of them were distant relatives that he had never seen in his life time. He still wanted to speak and say everything he had ever felt in his life about Melina, but he couldn't. He just couldn't. He looked for the words in his head but he couldn't describe his feelings in words, he could draw them and paint them, but speak them or write them.  
  
He looked out the window and saw the cemetery about fifty feet from the funeral home. He knew that's where Melina was going to be buried. He thought it would have been better for her to be buried in Oregon for some strange reason. Probably because then he couldn't go and visit her grave a lot and reminisce. He wanted to forget everything about Melina. He wanted many things, but couldn't have them. He was used to it though.  
  
Soon after it was time for Melina to be buried, as everyone got up and went to the cemetery, he got out of there. He couldn't bear to see the final thing that would prove that Melina was dead; it was too much for him. He sat on the hood of the car and basked in the sunset. The red, yellow, and orange hues in the sky made it look as though the sky was on fire. He knew his parents would notice he was missing, yet he didn't care. He would be coming back, Melina wouldn't though. Nothing is forever. Nothing is immortal. He heard footsteps come towards the car and jumped. He immediately got off of the hood and looked around. He saw a figure with curly hair walk towards him. He rolled his eyes at Gordo.  
  
"Don't worry, I couldn't go either. You know why. I'm a killer," he scoffed.  
  
"You're damn right," Matt sighed.  
  
"Are you honestly going to hate me for the rest of my life," Gordo asked.  
  
Matt gave no answer. Gordo took that as a "yes" and sighed. He hated the fact that Matt hated him; it made him feel worse about the whole situation. He couldn't believe the audacity that Matt had to blame him. He didn't even do anything, which might have been a reputable reason, but still.  
  
"Don't you hate when people analyze you," Gordo asked to break the awkward silence.  
  
"They can't analyze me."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"No one knows the real me. They all think I'm this funny guy who doesn't give a shit about anything. They're wrong though. I am one of the most depressed basket cases I know, which is quite frightening. I feel as though no one would understand me, so I put on this mask, so no one has to understand me."  
  
Gordo was in awe. He never could have imagined Matt would be this.deep. This was yet again something he wouldn't have expected or guessed.  
  
"I hate when my parents analyze me. I feel like I'm their guinea pig. They think I'm regressing or some bullshit like that. It's so.vexing. I mean, I'm their son, not their lab rat. Then I talk to Larry this week so he can try and help me, but he just ends up analyzing me even more. I was this close to wringing his neck," he sighed angrily. "You know, according to Larry, you and Melina have a lot in common."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"You both put on masks. She pretends to be this tough chick that has a heart of steal, but in reality it's a heart of glass. She's so complex and she's not shallow like Lizzie. Kind of makes me wonder what it would have been like to date Melina. I mean, yet again it would be awkward dating a freshman, but still. She seems very interesting. I won't have my chance though," he sighed. "Why do I even bother? You hate me. You won't listen to me. I'll be going."  
  
Gordo walked away into the distance leaving Matt by himself. Matt stood under a street light. It seemed to highlight his depression and loneliness even more. He looked like he was in an overdone scene of a movie where one of the characters sulks under the street light and it makes him look like a brooding bad boy.  
  
He then saw Larry walking towards him with a notebook. It was purple and had pink hearts on it.  
  
"Matt, Gordo just told me everything about your little 'confrontation'. Listen, Melina thought I gave her back her diary notebook thing, but I just gave her a blank one so I could read over her notebook. Listen, things in here might make you mad at Melina, but if you won't listen to Gordo or me.you'll listen to Melina," Larry sighed before handing him the notebook and walking off.  
  
Matt picked it up and looked through it. Her loopy handwriting covered all of the pages of the notebook.  
  
He started to read the first page, "Today was the last day of summer vacation. Matt and I were looking through yearbooks outside his house on the porch. I looked up at Lizzie's bedroom window and saw that the blinds were closed. Gordo was there. Lizzie is such a slut. Lizzie doesn't deserve Gordo, I do. I could be his everything and be honest to him and everything. I can't believe I've liked him since seventh grade, it's quite a feat for me who doesn't get attached to people that easily."  
  
Matt now had all the answers for everything he wanted to know about Melina. The question was whether he wanted his questions to be answered or not. Now he had the window inside the soul of Melina. Her loopy handwriting and writings of hate and fury were the writings that he needed so he could look into that window, without looking into her eyes.  
  
[A/N: Okay, that was probably a bad ending, but me being uncreative; I had no other ideas for an ending. Yet again I feel as though this story was kind of melodramatic towards the end, so I'll understand if people hate the ending. Please review with your thoughts for the LAST time. Thank you.] 


End file.
